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Anger management

Dran

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Not a bitch or a whine so much as just putting my personal observations as an angry nice guy... I generally try to be a good person, do unto others blah blah blah... Anger has been a lifetime struggle for me... And ive learned to control it, for the most part. The problem is, i feel like people are unresponsive to a soft spoken person. In the interest of not losing my job and wife, I've become probably overly meek.. I feel like If you approach issues in a calm and reasonable manner, people tend to overlook the words being spoken. When i was loud, and didn't make an effort to not blow my top, people may have thought i was going to be the next "mailman gone postal" but i felt like my opinions, concerns, etc were heard and taken into consideration. Cigars and pipes have helped me find a Zen like new me. Problem is, i feel like nobody listens to me now, with the exception of my wife, who obviously appreciates the calmer Dran. Despite what people said, i dont think anyone was ever really afraid of me, but i did feel like people at least listened when i spoke. As a side note, I've never been arrested and havent been in a fight since i was in the army... And lets face it, That's kinda a given. Not looking for input so much as creating a space for other people who struggle with anger, but feel free to pit your 2 cents in!inside_out_anger_fullbody.png
 

Boudie

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Well, first question I ask is WTF do I care if the other's hear what I have to say? My life is a lot easier when I speak to people that want to engage. They don't have to agree, just be intelligent in the discussion. I don't think what you described is unusual among most people. You may not be "heard" but you will be followed even if you're not given the credit for sowing the seeds of agreement and understanding.

I think age has given me this perspective.
 
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I’m confused brother. Is there a question in there? You have any examples? You just making a space to vent or for others to vent? What’s up? I’m a police officer so I deal with anger on a daily basis. Examples include, crackheads raising their kids in unimaginable conditions, pedofiles pedofiling, rapes, elder abuse, assholes that I arrest telling me they’re gonna kick my ass/rape my wife/ burn my house/ get me fired/ sue me/ etc, getting in fights almost every shift, dealing with working short handed & BS assignments, etc., etc.. So yea, I pretty much deal with managing my anger every day. Best advice I can give you without knowing more is keep work issues at work & home issues at home. Examples; don’t take home anger issues like problems with wife, family or kids, out on coworkers or people you deal with at work. And, don’t take your anger with work issues out on your wife, kids, or family.
 

Dran

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I'm the nurse to your doctor @Yakraz, security for 18 years, the last 6 armed. Deal with many of those same issues, though in a watered down way, and much less frequently. Main reason for the thread was to give people a place to vent, and bring up a place to conversate on whatever's on their mind on the subject. Everything is gravy for me right now! Just been reflecting on how I got to where I am, and never really had a place to seek advice, or share experiences. I'm closing in on 40, so I've started to mellow out myself. I couldn't really give 2 shakes what other people think of me, which is probably why I never held back.
 
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Loud and bombastic or soft and quite....doesn't matter to me as long as the person has something meaningful to say. The problem is a lot of people want to express things and have people agree with them. If they don't agree then they feel the other person is being unresponsive. The best approach is to treat others with the same respect as you expect from them. Getting angry and loud would neither convince me you are someone who should be taken seriously or that what you are saying is worth listening to. If there is no substance to what you are saying then it doesn't matter if you are being passive or aggressive in attitude. Today's society is intolerant of views that do not match their own. Why worry if you are being taken seriously or not unless you feel that being right and everyone else wrong somehow makes you a stronger person? God knows we have enough narcissism in the world today.
 
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I'm the nurse to your doctor @Yakraz, security for 18 years, the last 6 armed. Deal with many of those same issues, though in a watered down way, and much less frequently. Main reason for the thread was to give people a place to vent, and bring up a place to conversate on whatever's on their mind on the subject. Everything is gravy for me right now! Just been reflecting on how I got to where I am, and never really had a place to seek advice, or share experiences. I'm closing in on 40, so I've started to mellow out myself. I couldn't really give 2 shakes what other people think of me, which is probably why I never held back.
Good deal man!!! Hey, anytime you need or want to vent, hit me up PM. I’ll listen & give advice best I can!!!
 

Dran

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Agreed, but i don't view being right, or having the other person agree with equates to being heard, when I was loud, I'd often get negarive responses to what i was saying, and accept it as a difference of opinion. My specific issue is that since ive calmed down, i feel its been an invitation for others to make decisions for me, without asking my thoughts. (Home life not work, I get paid to be told what to do there) or just have the generic "ok" or "I'll look into it" thrown out there when we both know they won't.:hilarious:
 
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Hi guys,
I've been told one of my strengths is my "straight forward, transparent communication". I've also been told one of my weaknesses is my "straight forward, transparent communication".
To this, I smile and used to reply "Yes, well you know I'm part asshole..."
Sometimes my straight forward approach was due to my intolerance of what I considered stupidity.
Anyway, I can think of two times in 13 years (at work) that I wish I hadn't opened my mouth so quickly in anger. That is what I try to keep in mind when I feel myself getting on edge. Also, most people come to work to do a good job, so whoever is about to push you over the edge probably doesn't know what you know.
When you provide input, ask how the info impacts the discussion. That will force engagement or blatant disrespect if they ignore you. If they ignore you, get up and leave as your input is obviously not required at this meeting and you have more important things to do than waste time where your input is not valued. When you get a generic reply, get a commitment to providing an answer by a certain time. Don't be afraid to write a follow up email with the specifics and CC your boss and their boss. It maybe the extra motivation they need to be held accountable.

PS: I'm still part a-hole, I've just changed my delivery.;)
 
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I work in a retail environment, inside customers homes. Most of the time people are cool and happy to see me. Other times they are raging dicks for one reason or another. And of course you get the customer that wants to yell and scream and threaten to call my boss. Luckily my boss usually has my back. But it is the mentality of "the squeeky wheel gets the grease" syndrom that i feel our society is turning to. "If i complain enough, they will give me what i want".
I try not to feed into this and treat them with the kind of politeness that pisses them off further. Small victories to me. But the customer that is cool and calm about expressing concern or issue, i will bend over backward to help in any way i am able. And most of my coworkers are the same way.
Anyway, what i am trying to say is, just keep you calm but remain assertive. Calm tones but firm words work much better than yelling and losing your shit.
 
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It’s easy to be nice to friendly pleasant people. Easy to act generously to our friends. You want to stand out from the crowd? Treat the jerks, the selfish and the assholes the same way you treat your friends.
The wisest man that ever lived was a proponent of this. He referred to this as “heaping coals of fire on their heads.” (Proverbs 25:22)
 
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Dran

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Maybe its just a regional thing, or a company problem, but when you're loud and boistres you get results. As i said, typically issues brought to our managers in a calm manner get swept aside. I Don't have the energy for that any more! So i will just have to be content not being heard. Lol.
 
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I'll add something a little bit off track here, but relevant - about 10 years ago I needed an outlet for the stress in my life, so I joined a men's ice hockey league. It worked for stress relief and I took some penalties, but it also taught me a little self-control - if I was stupid about it, I could get my ass handed to me by someone stronger, or cost my teammates by taking unnecessary penalties. So I was forced to get both smarter and stronger, and I ended up making the game a positive part of my life - made friends, scored some goals, got some exercise, etc...

Point is, harnessing negative energy and turning it into something positive - even if you're not buying into that bc it sounds like BS and you're just looking for an outlet for stress, it works. I still reap the benefits of it today, as I've been able to share my love of the game with my daughter - so, I would encourage anyone who needs an outlet for their stress, to consider taking up a contact sport
 

redneck_toy

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I'll add something a little bit off track here, but relevant - about 10 years ago I needed an outlet for the stress in my life, so I joined a men's ice hockey league. It worked for stress relief and I took some penalties, but it also taught me a little self-control - if I was stupid about it, I could get my ass handed to me by someone stronger, or cost my teammates by taking unnecessary penalties. So I was forced to get both smarter and stronger, and I ended up making the game a positive part of my life - made friends, scored some goals, got some exercise, etc...

Point is, harnessing negative energy and turning it into something positive - even if you're not buying into that bc it sounds like BS and you're just looking for an outlet for stress, it works. I still reap the benefits of it today, as I've been able to share my love of the game with my daughter - so, I would encourage anyone who needs an outlet for their stress, to consider taking up a contact sport
Contact sports dont work for a 47 YO that weighs 155#. Lol
I'm glad it works for you Jamie. I seriously need to find a way to reduce my stress while at work.
 
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Contact sports dont work for a 47 YO that weighs 155#. Lol
I'm glad it works for you Jamie. I seriously need to find a way to reduce my stress while at work.
They make punching bags that mount on your desk. Just tape a picture of the coworker causing issues, make sure they see it before going to town on it. Hopefully they get the hint.:ROFLMAO:
 

Boudie

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Probably not the beat idea for a 37 year old who weighs 250 either! Thankfully cigars/pipes have really become the outlet I needed!
Pretty soon you'll be a 37 year old that weighs 190 lbs! I think exercise of any form helps with anger. I walk, ride my bike, punch a heavy bag, hit the exercise bench or simply try to throw a tennis ball through a brick wall. It works.
 
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Pretty soon you'll be a 37 year old that weighs 190 lbs! I think exercise of any form helps with anger. I walk, ride my bike, punch a heavy bag, hit the exercise bench or simply try to throw a tennis ball through a brick wall. It works.
Also, exercise keeps you alive longer! Theoretically at least, but staying alive is important if you have kids or anyone else who depends on you, and is also a crucial aspect of being able to enjoy a cigar (y)
 
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