Hot_Sauce
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒ&
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company
Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in
the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar
and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional
carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO
shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00
PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time;
however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts
easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that
time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to
exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an
important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though
unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it
our " Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees
who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation
Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be
sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
--------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign
your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign
on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.
How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange,
no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too
much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
PATTY
--------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea
that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which
forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the
party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of
year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the
Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the
party or else package everything for you to take it home in little
foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight
Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women
will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other.
Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their
own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the
Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross
dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed,
apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms.
Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a
diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control
the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that
people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as
dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar"
desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
--------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The #*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!!
We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it
or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill
of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing
salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have
feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them
scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my
*ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
PATTY
--------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing
Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards
to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to
cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd
off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company
Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in
the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar
and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional
carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO
shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00
PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time;
however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts
easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that
time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to
exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an
important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though
unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it
our " Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees
who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation
Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be
sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
--------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign
your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign
on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.
How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange,
no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too
much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
PATTY
--------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea
that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which
forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the
party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of
year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the
Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the
party or else package everything for you to take it home in little
foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight
Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women
will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other.
Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their
own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the
Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross
dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed,
apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms.
Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a
diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control
the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that
people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as
dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar"
desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
--------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The #*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!!
We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it
or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill
of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing
salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have
feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them
scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my
*ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
PATTY
--------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing
Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards
to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to
cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd
off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan
