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Child custody question

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Just a short background
My ex and i have been divorced for about 11 or 12 years. When everything went down the state sided with her for custody of our 2-3 year old son. A few years pass and she decided that she was moving in with her parents, an hour away, and taking our son with her. My wife and i contested but were told by our lawyer that unless she was "unfit" the state would not change the custody or prevent her from moving. So we got a few things in our favor because of it and she moved.
Fast forward to a couple years ago and my son tells me he would rather live with us. According to the state of Missouri he was old enough to have input on the choice. His mom found out and flipped so he gave up. He is now 14 and has full right to choose his home. He told his mom he was moving in with us next school year.
Now she is raising hell saying she is going to hire a child advocate to speak for him. She does not listen to reason. She does not include him in any decisions which will effect him later and maintains he is too young to make such choices.
My question, probably a long shot, does anybody have any experience with something similar?
Just trying to figure out my next steps.
Thanks in advance.
 
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Sorry to here this, brother. Find a lawyer ASAP. I'm sure you probably have one but listen and do what they say.
Watch out for "Parental Alienation". This is when the "other" parent tries to make you look as bad as they can in the child's eyes. Look it up and look for the signs. You probably are experiencing these things already.
Keep your head up, brother and good luck!
 
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You definitely want a lawyer. Let her get a child advocate. Since he's old enough to have input - the advocate is going to say as much to the judge. Your son should feel absolutely comfortable talking to the advocate about anything he needs to. And the conversations should not be in the presence of you or your ex (its a safe space). Don't fret - this should work out in your favor since its his decision to make. Just be sure that you're lawyered up so that you can be properly informed.
 
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It goes without saying that you are going to put your personal feelings aside and do what is best for your child. If he's established with new friends, entering or all ready in high school moving can be very difficult. He loves both of you and doesn't want to hurt either of you so he's in a tough spot, trying to pick a parent. The child advocate or child psychologist may be the best first step, is he mature enough to make this type of decision and what is motivating him to make this change? Good luck, if both of you keep your child's best interest at heart it will work out.
 
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Thank you everyone for the info. We are definitely looking into a lawyer. The one i have used in the past is no longer practicing.
As for his motivation to change, he has always had a stronger bond with me than his mom. Even back to infancy. She did not bond with him and just about threw him at me when i would get home from work. He feels more comfortable speaking to me than her and always has.
The school district he lives in with his mom is a very poor rural district that favors technical training over college prep ( his intended goal is college) the diatrict i live in is more technologically advanced and all children use assigned chromebooks to complete assignments.
As for established friendships, now that he is a freshman, all of his friends are drifting apart. Different schedules and activities. He has told me that THE ONLY thing that troubles him is leaving his "band family" but that is not too big of a deal because he will go into band at the new school, a bigger and better program with funding.
His moms sister in law works for family services and has for years. She is a supervisor and i am afraid that she may have some influence. I would hope she is professional enough to back away from this case.
 

kit_luce

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Thank you everyone for the info. We are definitely looking into a lawyer. The one i have used in the past is no longer practicing.
As for his motivation to change, he has always had a stronger bond with me than his mom. Even back to infancy. She did not bond with him and just about threw him at me when i would get home from work. He feels more comfortable speaking to me than her and always has.
The school district he lives in with his mom is a very poor rural district that favors technical training over college prep ( his intended goal is college) the diatrict i live in is more technologically advanced and all children use assigned chromebooks to complete assignments.
As for established friendships, now that he is a freshman, all of his friends are drifting apart. Different schedules and activities. He has told me that THE ONLY thing that troubles him is leaving his "band family" but that is not too big of a deal because he will go into band at the new school, a bigger and better program with funding.
His moms sister in law works for family services and has for years. She is a supervisor and i am afraid that she may have some influence. I would hope she is professional enough to back away from this case.
Have whatever lawyer you go with apply for a change of venue out of her sister in laws area. Especially in a rural community. I'm from the country, I know how it is. The biggest thing is make sure you son knows it's ok, that he has to be brave and not let his mom influence his decision, and to understand that she has issues that arent his to deal with.
 
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@EO80
Sorry to hear you have to deal with this. I am the product of a bad divorce. I was about 12 when they split. Long story short....
My dad never said a bad word about my mom to us, could tell he held his tongue a lot though. My mom bashed my dad left and right my whole life and I sided with her for a very long time. Relationship with my dad was terrible at best until I was 16/17 when I started to out the pieces together. My dad and I have been very close since I was 18, my mom not so much. A large part of that is because I saw how manipulative she was/is.
What I'm getting at is... no matter how much it's sucks now, your kids will figure it out one day. Be the bigger man and don't be little mom.
For what it's worth


Stupid Tapatalk
 
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Child advocates are not a bad thing. I have had the pleasure of working with quite a few during my LEO time. They are for the best interest of the child. Could be a blessing for you. Get a lawyer and have the courts appoint one for him. Don’t let your ex find one. Not sure how it is in your state but the judge may have a one on one with him with out both parties present. Good luck.
 
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Eran, there is a lady lawyer in town that dominates in the divorce and child custody cases. I can't think of her name, but will ask my son tomorrow as he used her once and the other attorney coward around her. She is a bulldog and takes no prisoners. I will call you if I can come up with her name. CJ has an excellent school system IMO. I think he would thrive when he got settled.

I have met Eran's son 2-3 times and he is a great young man. Very polite, extremely mature for his age and is very impressive and well mannered. Just like his lovin daddy!
 
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Eran, there is a lady lawyer in town that dominates in the divorce and child custody cases. I can't think of her name, but will ask my son tomorrow as he used her once and the other attorney coward around her. She is a bulldog and takes no prisoners. I will call you if I can come up with her name. CJ has an excellent school system IMO. I think he would thrive when he got settled.

I have met Eran's son 2-3 times and he is a great young man. Very polite, extremely mature for his age and is very impressive and well mannered. Just like his lovin daddy!
Thanks again, Steve!
 
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E080 I have a similar situation but I have a daughter in question so far i was able to just relocate!! Hence why I live in Kc instead of the south! I wish you the best of luck since I have no answers!! I just stay prayed up and try to see my babygurl whenever possible
 
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Just a short background
My ex and i have been divorced for about 11 or 12 years. When everything went down the state sided with her for custody of our 2-3 year old son. A few years pass and she decided that she was moving in with her parents, an hour away, and taking our son with her. My wife and i contested but were told by our lawyer that unless she was "unfit" the state would not change the custody or prevent her from moving. So we got a few things in our favor because of it and she moved.
Fast forward to a couple years ago and my son tells me he would rather live with us. According to the state of Missouri he was old enough to have input on the choice. His mom found out and flipped so he gave up. He is now 14 and has full right to choose his home. He told his mom he was moving in with us next school year.
Now she is raising hell saying she is going to hire a child advocate to speak for him. She does not listen to reason. She does not include him in any decisions which will effect him later and maintains he is too young to make such choices.
My question, probably a long shot, does anybody have any experience with something similar?
Just trying to figure out my next steps.
Thanks in advance.
Hey brother, I'm sorry you're going through this. My good friend has had a very long and arduous child custody battle with his ex and the only reason it ended up in his favor was because she was deemed to be unstable and him having custody and her left with visitation was the best option for their daughter. However, prior to this happening they had attempted mediation outside of court which seems to be a long shot by the way you're describing your ex, it was also a long shot for him for the same reason and ended up not working out. I would get your lawyer to contest the existing custody agreement and maybe suggest a psychological evaluation for your son, your ex and yourself so that despite what her advocate says the psychologist can make a determination as to what your son's wishes are and be able to present them in court. You can also have the child custody evaluator speak with your friends and family as well as your son to assist in determining that your living situation may be better suited for him. It is a rough battle for fathers in custody hearings which is a bunch of bullshit but I wish you all the best. If you have any questions I can definitely ask my friend if he has any advice for you. Good luck brother.
 
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