Dog Food Diet

[acaffey]

I almost forgot this one and thought I should record it for posterity...

I was buying a large bag of dog food at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting the dog food diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time and had awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no - it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

 

[dpricenator]

I'm stealing that one for sure. f'n comedy

 

[sascha]

always a goody:rolling:

 

[cvm4]

Gives me a laugh everytime

 

[aleam_38]

thats a good one

 

[TexaSmoke]

:rofl:

 

[Clinton]

Two drunks walking down the street see a dog lying there licking his balls.

One drunk says, "Man, I wish I could do that!"

Other says, "Maybe you better pet him first."

 

[cvm4]

Two drunks walking down the street see a dog lying there licking his balls.

One drunk says, "Man, I wish I could do that!"

Other says, "Maybe you better pet him first."

:hysterica

 

[tobby4]

I almost forgot

What about this place...

What up? How ya been

 

[The_Other]

lmao
That is fantastic.

 

[acaffey]

What about this place...

What up? How ya been

I tried... no luck. I was going to quit all smoking because I had that dental surgery scheduled. I knew that if I spent too much time around here I would just be a big puss about it. Turns out that I am not eligible for the "best" (read: most painful and expensive) option, so I won't get to undergo any habit prohibitive medical procedures. Are you still working for the same company and driving obscene distances for tail?

 

[tedski]

Two good ones right there .... :rofl:

 

[jwintosh]

funny stuff!! thanks for the laugh!!!

 

[blessednxs65]

Both of these had tears rolling down my cheeks!

Hillarious!

 

[JRL]

Lol that is good.

 

[tobby4]

I tried... no luck. I was going to quit all smoking because I had that dental surgery scheduled. I knew that if I spent too much time around here I would just be a big puss about it. Turns out that I am not eligible for the "best" (read: most painful and expensive) option, so I won't get to undergo any habit prohibitive medical procedures. Are you still working for the same company and driving obscene distances for tail?

Ha, no I am now working for Habitat for Humanity, and am no longer driving for tail... tail drives for me now...

long story, but it is better this way...

 

[acaffey]

Ha, no I am now working for Habitat for Humanity, and am no longer driving for tail... tail drives for me now...

long story, but it is better this way...

Do you work out of their office in Roswell?