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Funny things kids say....

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Lol, I love these - one of my favorites, last year my daughter (9 at the time) wanted a skateboard so I bought her one. Took her to the parking lot right up the road from here so she could play on it; we get there, I set it down and put my foot on it, she sees this and yells at me "dad you're gonna break your leg!!!" :ROFLMAO:
 

Glassman

Glass Gars Guns Garden
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Lol, I love these - one of my favorites, last year my daughter (9 at the time) wanted a skateboard so I bought her one. Took her to the parking lot right up the road from here so she could play on it; we get there, I set it down and put my foot on it, she sees this and yells at me "dad you're gonna break your leg!!!" :ROFLMAO:
gotta appreciate the vote of confidence...
 
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My middle child, Travis, was about 7 when we moved to our new house, near an awesome field with various size dirt mounds just perfect for bike riding. Within days I had a couple of them out there on their bikes, and Travis found himself perched at the top of the largest hill, nervously looking down.
Me: "Go ahead"
Him: Shakes head
Me: "Don't worry, chicks dig scars"
Him (loudly): "I don't want a chick! I want to live!"

He's 14 now. And I'm sure that's not a true statement anymore ;)
 

Glassman

Glass Gars Guns Garden
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My middle child, Travis, was about 7 when we moved to our new house, near an awesome field with various size dirt mounds just perfect for bike riding. Within days I had a couple of them out there on their bikes, and Travis found himself perched at the top of the largest hill, nervously looking down.
Me: "Go ahead"
Him: Shakes head
Me: "Don't worry, chicks dig scars"
Him (loudly): "I don't want a chick! I want to live!"

He's 14 now. And I'm sure that's not a true statement anymore ;)
:ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::hilarious:
 
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Granddaughter was probably 7 at the time and asked grandma (my wife) to make her a tuna sandwich. Grandma mixed up tuna and mayo and slapped it on bread and then cut the sandwich in half. She took one bite and came and asked me to make her a sandwich because Grandma didn't do it right. I told her to go play and I'd call her when it was done. I pulled out the leftover tuna and made the sandwich and, of course, cut the sandwich diagonally.
She took a bite and told me it was awesome and gave me a thumbs up. Then she looks at the wife and says "I'm sorry Grandma but yours was awful" !
LOL every once in a while I remind that good woman that she doesn't know how to make a decent sandwich
 
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Back when my kids were babies or toddlers, my Silverado would calm them, lull them, and put them to sleep.
One day my son was having a fit and refused to sleep so we all loaded up and went for a ride. My daughter is 2 years older than my son and decided to sing to him to try to calm him. From the back, we heard a 3 year old voice start with "banana rama fo-fama, fe-fi-fo-bama, banana!"
Next verse, as you may be guessing...
"Truck ruck fo-fuck, fe-fi-fo-fuck, truck!"
 
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Back when my kids were babies or toddlers, my Silverado would calm them, lull them, and put them to sleep.
One day my son was having a fit and refused to sleep so we all loaded up and went for a ride. My daughter us 2 years older than my son and decided to sing to him to try to calm him. From the back, we heard a 3 year old voice start with "banana rama fo-fama, fe-fi-fo-bama, banana!"
Next verse, as you may be guessing...
"Truck ruck fo-fuck, fe-fi-fo-fuck, truck!"
That's awesome.
And it reminds me of something I did as a wee lad.
One year around Christmas, for some reason I became facinated with the word "twas". As in "twas the night before Christmas"
Don't know why, but I liked the idea of putting a "t" in front of a random word. So soon I was saying "twhere" and "twhen" and of course...
"twhat". Pronounced (completely inocently) very much like "twat".
My mom kept reacting (sort of cringing) any time I said it, so I, being a standard-issue male child quickly decided "twhat" was an awesome word, and began using it every chance I got.
She finally had enough and told me NEVER SAY THAT WORD IT'S A BAD WORD STOP SAYING IT!!!

I of course asked "what's it mean?"
And her reply, still ringing in my ears 40 years later:
" Go. Ask. Your. Father."
I didn't ask, but a couple of years later when I finally got educated... I thought it was hysterical. But definitely didn't say it around mom again.
 
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When my daughter was about 4 years old, I took her to the office to meet some of the people I worked with. She was the center of attention with several of us gathered around and one very nice lady bent over and said loudly “where did you get those beautiful eyes?” My daughter said almost defensively “uhh...they came with my head!”
 
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While stationed in Italy my two year old daughter (11 now) loved crackers only she couldn’t say crackers....fast forward to us in the commissary and we are on the cracker isle. Out of the blue and super loud she scream “ma fuckers pwease”. Not only was I embarrassed but laughing my head off while trying to explain to the people around us that she wanted more crackers.
 
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We were discussing what to do for the day. My daughter was 10, son was 7. Daughter was fixated on a certain activity (I don't even remember what it was). She was adamant on this activity, despite what the rest of us wanted to do. She finally suggested we vote on it. I informed her the family was not a democracy. Her response: "No, it's a dictatorship, and you're the dic". I don't know what was funnier, the fact that she blurted this out, or the look on her face when she immediately realized what she said. I was laughing so hard I couldn't be mad at her.
 

StogieNinja

Derek | BoM June 2014
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Played a game with the kid at home. “Chutes and Ladders” or “Candyland” or something. One of those dumb games that takes forever and takes no skill an I hate playing, but I digress.

Anyway I played with her even though I didn’t want to, and I won, even though I didn’t want to, and she was mad.

So then later we’re in public and someone asks “Why are you sad, sweetie?” and the kid immediately pipes up with “‘Cause Daddy beat me!”

 

redneck_toy

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My son, when he was around 2 or 3 (He's 20 now) LOVED the Disney movie ,The Fox and the Hound. Watched it daily. Even named his toy puppy Copper, after the dog in the film. One Christmas I bought him a replica side by side shotgun from Cabelas. He carried it everywhere we went. He was also a huge fan of firefighters, so being good parents, bought him his own fireman looking rubber boots, and a fireman helmet. So, everywhere we went, he had a toy shotgun, fire helmet and boots on, and his toy puppy Copper.
In one scene of the movie, an old man comes running out of his cabin to shoot at the fox while pulling up his overalls. He shoots, and his overalls come down, and there he is standing in his long handles. Garrett would laugh for days about this scene. He called the fox a kitty. He would say, "He shoots that kitty and his pants fell down"

My son, God love him, would be in the middle of Walmart and aim, and shoot his toy shotgun and promptly pull his pants down around his ankles and shout " I shoot that kitty, and my pants fall down!"
Always got a laugh from people around us, and more than a few sideways looks.....
 
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Decades Ago.
Son was rapping on a table with one of those plastic hammers. Nonstop. I was on the phone and put up with it for a while, then finally barked out. "knock it off, dammit'
10 minutes go by. I finish the call and sit down in a chair. Son comes over, hammer still in hand. With a cross look =
" my. name's . not. "dammit'. Daddy!"

Funny things parent's say.
Over my cousin Bob's house. He brings out a huge cardboard box of toys for my kids to rifle through. I mean huge ! Rests it on the coffee table in front of the couch.
Wife says " don't put that down there, Bob.... they'll have everything in there all over the place." I'm like "for sure" ! So I pull out some toys I know the kids will enjoy.
The kids grab the toys, place them on the floor, and of course, immediately come back over with their hands out, going to pull more crap out of the box..
They're not getting any more. So I pick the box up "No no, guys. No more ! That's all that's in here. What you see is what you get ! "
As I'm saying this of course, I lift the box and the bottom falls out.
 
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@VeLoRoK reminded me of a little song my son and his friends made up one day. He still sings it from time to time. He is 14. It goes as follows....
I farted
It tickled
My butt cheeks wiggled
And it smelled like pickles and cheese!
Makes me laugh every time.
I'm going to teach that to Theo!
 

Pennywise827

Hot Ketchup
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My wife is a tad bit of a control freak, and I am an uneducated neanderthal compared to her refinement. She often would attempt to correct me, or get me to do things her way, and my response was always "Im a grown ass man".

Well I was leaving one day and my 3 year old daughter is attempting to make me understand its cold outside and I should wear a coat...I turn and look at her and she throws up her hands and goes "Oh, I know! Yer a grown assed man!"

I died.
 
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