Tell us some jokes!

[Daviso27]

Lets hear them....

Here goes one:

An up-state NY Lawyer goes to the city to pick up a hooker, he tells the hooker that he wants to do something extra freaky...He continues to explain that he wants to "do her" with his foot, They agree on a price and continue with the encounter...

2 days later the Lawyer notices that his foot is not quite right and goes to a doctor...After the examiniation, the doctor tells him he has a yeast infection on his foot...The lawyer was shocked and asked how can this be...The doctor told him..."Look wierd things happen, just today, my friend, who is a doctor in the city, diagnosed a young lady with atheletes foot of the vagina!"

 

[VirginIslander]

**this one loses something when not heard verbally**

what did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

punchline: (make gagging/choking sound)

 

[hdroadglide]

The Dept Of Defense briefed the president this morning, they told OBAMA that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq . To everyone's surprise, all the color drained from Obama's face.

Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.

Finally, he composed himself and asked, 'Just how many is a brazilian?'

This is especially funny since he obviously has no understanding of billion or
trillion either.


(sorry for the politcal humor, but i thought the concept was funny)

 

[Clinton]

Of course, that was much funnier three years ago, Mr. Limbaugh:

[ame="http://www.google.com/search?source=ig&hl=en&rlz=&=&q=bush+brazilian+joke&aq=0&oq=bush+brazilian"]bush brazilian joke - Google Search[/ame]

 

[Clinton]

Edna and Bill were two residents of a nursing home who had been carrying on a love affair. They were both 96 years old. Every night, they would meet in the TV room. Edna would passively hold Bill's penis, and they would watch TV for an hour or so.

It wasn't much, but it was all they had. One night Bill didn't show up. He didn't show up for the next two nights either.Edna assumed he was dead, but then she saw him happily wandering about the grounds.

She confronted him and said: "Where were you these past couple of nights?"
He replied: "If you must know, I was with another woman".
"Bastard!" she cried. "What were you doing?".
"We do the exact same thing that you and I do," he answered.
"Is she prettier or younger than I am?" she asked.
"Nope, she looks the same, and she is 98 years old," Bill replied.
"Well then, what does she have that I don't?" Edna asked.

Bill smiled slyly and said: "Parkinson's disease"

 

[Clinton]

Did you hear the one about the two gay Irishmen?

Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael

 

[Clinton]

A bloke walks into his local and orders a pint. The barman pours him a pint and says "You're looking very happy with yourself, something good happen?"

Bloke replies "Well you know I've never had much luck with women. Last night after leaving here I was walking back home and took a shortcut by the railway line. Most amazing thing happened, I found a woman tied to the railway track, just like in one of them 1930s silent movies. I cut her free, took her home, and to cut a long story short had the most amazing night of my life. We had sex in the kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, the dining room, we even had sex on the patio."

Barman asks: "So was she pretty then?"

To which the bloke replies:

" I don't know, I never found her head."

 

[hdroadglide]

Of course, that was much funnier three years ago, Mr. Limbaugh:

bush brazilian joke - Google Search

sorry, mr. frank

 

[smokemifugotem]

What do you call it when you cross and brown cow and a brown chicken?

Say it out loud:
Brownchickenbrowncow

 

[Hendy]

So 2 blondes walk into a building.

You'd think one of them would have seen it.

 

[smokemifugotem]

Alright...now that the door is open:
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

How do you drown a submarine filled with blondes?
Knock on the door.