Electric Sheep
Dsicle - BoM Dec 06
...but sometimes, even though my life has been pretty much FRIGGIN AWESOME ever since, I still get a little bit of that "what if" feeling thinking back on those days.
Like "what if" things woulda worked out the way I'd planned?
Or "what if" the path I chose then woulda led where I thought it was headed?
Or maybe "what if" I woulda been more persistent that one day after they closed the door on us in Longview?
Or "what if" I woulda been more aware of how I was acting and what that was like?
Or "what if" the boys woulda told me what they thought in January instead of March?
How about "what if" that summer at the comic book store, if I woulda gotten up the nerve to say what I really meant?
Would I be where I am today?
Would I have gone as far, or further?
Would I have really become an illustrator instead?
Would I be as happy as I am now?
Or would I be a miserable, insufferable prick? (that's my guess)
Would I finally understand all these annoying fucks on Facebook? (probably, but is that a good thing? I dunno)
Or really, would I just be like Jesse James? Cuz that shit didn't work out so well, did it?
I look at it all now and think, "that would really pretty much SUCK a fat one" for the most part, but there's still that little part in my brain that says maybe it woulda been okay. But then, look at how it worked out for Jesse. I'm pretty sure that's what woulda happened to me, too...if it woulda been me in there instead.
But maybe if Longview woulda worked out then I wouldn't care so much anyways, right? I mean, is that what I'm hung up on? That freakin' door. That was so fucking frustrating. If it woulda ever opened up, if I'da ever gone through it, then maybe everything wouldn't have mattered so much after that. Or maybe it woulda mattered more (but knowing me, probably not).
You'd think that almost 20 years later I'd have this shit figured out, right? Yeah well....not so much. It makes perfect sense--hell it made too damn much sense back then, it sure as hell makes sense in retrospect--but even though it made sense doesn't mean I had to like it. And yeah, in the end things worked out for me better than I really ever thought they would or could.
But still, I sometimes think "what if" 1991 woulda been different.
Oh yeah, and for the record, this NC Quintero sucks! :stickbeat
Like "what if" things woulda worked out the way I'd planned?
Or "what if" the path I chose then woulda led where I thought it was headed?
Or maybe "what if" I woulda been more persistent that one day after they closed the door on us in Longview?
Or "what if" I woulda been more aware of how I was acting and what that was like?
Or "what if" the boys woulda told me what they thought in January instead of March?
How about "what if" that summer at the comic book store, if I woulda gotten up the nerve to say what I really meant?
Would I be where I am today?
Would I have gone as far, or further?
Would I have really become an illustrator instead?
Would I be as happy as I am now?
Or would I be a miserable, insufferable prick? (that's my guess)
Would I finally understand all these annoying fucks on Facebook? (probably, but is that a good thing? I dunno)
Or really, would I just be like Jesse James? Cuz that shit didn't work out so well, did it?
I look at it all now and think, "that would really pretty much SUCK a fat one" for the most part, but there's still that little part in my brain that says maybe it woulda been okay. But then, look at how it worked out for Jesse. I'm pretty sure that's what woulda happened to me, too...if it woulda been me in there instead.
But maybe if Longview woulda worked out then I wouldn't care so much anyways, right? I mean, is that what I'm hung up on? That freakin' door. That was so fucking frustrating. If it woulda ever opened up, if I'da ever gone through it, then maybe everything wouldn't have mattered so much after that. Or maybe it woulda mattered more (but knowing me, probably not).
You'd think that almost 20 years later I'd have this shit figured out, right? Yeah well....not so much. It makes perfect sense--hell it made too damn much sense back then, it sure as hell makes sense in retrospect--but even though it made sense doesn't mean I had to like it. And yeah, in the end things worked out for me better than I really ever thought they would or could.
But still, I sometimes think "what if" 1991 woulda been different.
Oh yeah, and for the record, this NC Quintero sucks! :stickbeat