Adopting a child?

[DJSkopes]

My girlfriend and I are considering adopting a child. She has a daughter already who's 17. She understands that being a father is something that I want in life and because she can't have more children, this is a solution.

My question is, has anyone gone through the adoption process? No one I know has, so I only have nightmare stories from the internet to go off of.

If anybody's got any insight or tips I'm all ears!

 

[Hoshneer]

I am subscribing to this. I've always wanted to adopt but I hear that it costs a huge amount of money. We can't have children as well but someday I am hoping I will find a child that I can take care of. I figure it will be in God's hands.

 

[Ducttapegonewild]

First off, Hosh, have adopt a son, a daughter showing off nipples is a dad's worst nightmare.

Secondly, I just had friends of mine go through the adoption procedure. I'll see if I can get some information from them.

 

[derfatdutchman]

My wife and I adopted our son, we adopted him through our local office of Children and Youth. By adopting through the PA state adoption network the state subsidizes the majority of the costs.
We started as foster parents, and yes you can pick the age range you would like to foster. We got our son when he was 6 weeks old, the agency had 11 infants they need to place. His biological parents did nothing to get him back. By the time he was one their parental rights where terminated by the courts , and by December of the same year we adopted him. The PA program includes post adoption services for both the parents and the child. We had a very good experience and still keep in touch with our caseworkers.
Most states have a program similar to Pennsylvania's and its worth looking into. The kids awaiting adoption are in all ages and yes some have special needs.

 

[problemsolverjc]

What a great thing you all are doing and have done. You may also want to check with your and your wife's employer. A lot of the companies I work with offer adoption assistance (up to 5k) for expenses and time off during the adoption without using vacation or sick time.

 

[jerseyjetset]

My brother and I are both adopted. It's an amazing thing you're doing. I wish you guys the best during the process!

 

[DJSkopes]

My wife and I adopted our son, we adopted him through our local office of Children and Youth. By adopting through the PA state adoption network the state subsidizes the majority of the costs.
We started as foster parents, and yes you can pick the age range you would like to foster. We got our son when he was 6 weeks old, the agency had 11 infants they need to place. His biological parents did nothing to get him back. By the time he was one their parental rights where terminated by the courts , and by December of the same year we adopted him. The PA program includes post adoption services for both the parents and the child. We had a very good experience and still keep in touch with our caseworkers.
Most states have a program similar to Pennsylvania's and its worth looking into. The kids awaiting adoption are in all ages and yes some have special needs.

Thanks for all the info! I learned that my company does assist with expenses which is very kind. I've a feeling that since my girlfriend is a manager in a healthcare system, they'll probably have similar assistance. I'm going to do some research into what the State of New Jersey requires and how long the pre-adoption process takes.

 

[sean]

Kudos to this thread. Since my wife had cancer, she us unable to have more kids... and while we are happy with the two children we've been blessed with, we always talk about adopting a third.

 

[eastcoast paul]

The one thing i can't stress enough is DO NOT keep it a secret from the child. I am adopted and have always known. My daughter is adopted,signed the papers when she was one day old and brought her home at two days. She is 9 now and has known from day one. I don't know how the adoption process is there but we were on the list for three years and not even an interview to see if we were good candidates. If we went through the public adoption there would have been almost no cost to us but we ended up going private and the cost was near 10k. Hands down the best money i ever spent. I hope every thing goes well for you.

 

[NCost]

Great thing you're doing. We considered it at one point but didn't go through with it, just bad timing then.

Processes are different based on state, so really investigate your local laws and talk w/ a lawyer. Then there is international adoption and that can be tricky, it was what we were looking into. If I were to do international we were going to go with Korean. Their kids don't go into mass housing, they're placed with foster parents until they're adopted and the kids are better taken care of. All depends on what you want to do.

 

[jerseyjetset]

The one thing i can't stress enough is DO NOT keep it a secret from the child. I am adopted and have always known. My daughter is adopted,signed the papers when she was one day old and brought her home at two days. She is 9 now and has known from day one. I don't know how the adoption process is there but we were on the list for three years and not even an interview to see if we were good candidates. If we went through the public adoption there would have been almost no cost to us but we ended up going private and the cost was near 10k. Hands down the best money i ever spent. I hope every thing goes well for you.

This, oh my god this. My brother and I, while we are both adopted from different families, have always known since we were old enough to understand. It was never something that I have ever struggled with, and it became a part of my identity. The thing to always remember is that YOU ARE that child's parent. They will always think of you as such, and even though you do not share blood, the bond will be the same.