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Betrayal

stroke

Brian
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So, my wife and her family (primarily her, her sister, and her brother) have a lawn-care business and they've had the bid for our church and the parsonage for the last year. My wife and I (read: I) took it over several months back because we kind of needed the extra cash from it to make ends meet and it was just perfect. So, all is well! It is bid every year and it recently came up for bid again. It's kind of a tough situation because the church has our bid in the monthly business report (by law, being a non-profit), so everyone knows what our bid is to begin with. That kind of makes the bidding process tough for the one who has the bid... Essentially, we're forced to lower our bid every year if we want to keep it until there's no longer any profit to be made. Well, moving forward a few weeks, I found out that a guy who my wife's father grew up with (and was actually considered to be his best friend) under-bid us. When I say under-bid us, I don't mean he bid a lot less, I mean he under-bid us just enough to win the bid (clarifying that it wasn't in an effort to save the church money, it was just to beat us). The guy is very well-off, restores antiques as a hobby (not a cheap hobby from what I understand), has a couple mustangs, etc... Needless to say, he doesn't want for much. He also knows that my wife's family's business is struggling (which has a direct effect on her and I) and we just had our first baby. So, he basically took food off of my table just to make a few hundred bucks a month. Now, don't get me wrong, if I was just under-bid by someone I don't know, or even someone I'm not close to, or if our bid was unreasonable (which it's not, it's actually bid much lower per-hour than all of our other yards), I would not have a problem with that! After all, that's what the bidding process is all about... But dang, my wife's father's best friend? A (former) friend of the family? Because he did that, I gotta find a way to make up for that lost income. I'll say again, I'm not upset that I was under-bid, I am upset because it was done by a friend of the family who is well-off and knows that we're certainly not.

I'm not looking for sympathy or a pity party, I just need to vent. I can't really vent to many other people because most of my friends outside of BOTL and work go to my church. I'm off of work for a few weeks so can't vent to the guys at work and I'm also not going to create drama in the church. I figured the best people to vent to are my best of friends! Please tell me, and be completely honest (but take it easy on me if you disagree!), am I wrong in taking this personally? Is it wrong for me to look at it as him taking food off of my table selfishly? I understand he has every right to bid, it's an open bid, etc. But, am I wrong in thinking it was wrong in principle for him to do that?
 

stroke

Brian
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Dude, I think he was wrong. I understand business is business, but it wouldn't have hurt him one bit to just let this go to you.
Yeah. Even if it was open and we didn't have it prior to the bid I wouldn't have a problem with him bidding against us. But we had the bid, relied on that income, and HR knew our bid and bid based on our bid, not on what price he could do it for.
 

BGC

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Maybe not as good of a friend as you thought. If he is a alleged friend I'd be a little pissed too. Shit I get upset when my friends don't go to my Dads shop to get their car fixed. Than again business is business. It's a tough spot to be in Brian.
 

Soundwave13

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That sucks. I wouldn't take it personally though.

Have faith, when one door closes, another one opens. This could free you up to take advantage of a more lucrative opportunity.
 
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Soundwave makes a good point. At least now you're not stuck continually lowering your bid for the church, and you can hopefully find another contract that pays much better.
 
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You are right to be pissed. Is it possible he tithes more than he will be getting paid anyway, so the Church saw it as a way of basicaly getting free services? I know times are hard and during economic down turns, people often decide to quit tithing. One idea: start a dog walking business and make sure they take their dump on the church lawn right before mowing day!
 

stroke

Brian
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You are right to be pissed. Is it possible he tithes more than he will be getting paid anyway, so the Church saw it as a way of basicaly getting free services? I know times are hard and during economic down turns, people often decide to quit tithing. One idea: start a dog walking business and make sure they take their dump on the church lawn right before mowing day!
It's not the church's fault, bidding is the way to go; it ensures that the church isn't over-paying for a service. Unfortunately, his bid was just slightly lower than ours, so the church is literally saving only $8 a month. I don't have an answer as to how to go about bidding it because the current bid is public knowledge (as is any other thing dealing with finances in a non-profit). I don't have a problem being under-bid, I have a problem with being under-bid by a "friend of the family" who understands our financial situation and knows that we need it much more than he does. My problem is with him, not the church.
 
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...there's no animosity on my part. But he's not welcome in my home.
Huh? No animosity? Sounds like there is.

Tough situation bro, sorry to hear it.
I'd recommend you speak to him privately, give him the benefit of the doubt, see what comes of it. But no matter comes of you talking with him or not, you get to still love him even if he doesn't seem to deserve it. ...kinda like Christ loving you...right brother?
 

smelvis

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Integrity in the Church is lacking sometimes and that makes me sad! Hope you recover and find a better gig bro!
 

stroke

Brian
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Huh? No animosity? Sounds like there is.

Tough situation bro, sorry to hear it.
I'd recommend you speak to him privately, give him the benefit of the doubt, see what comes of it. But no matter comes of you talking with him or not, you get to still love him even if he doesn't seem to deserve it. ...kinda like Christ loving you...right brother?
I mean, he came up to me yesterday morning and spoke to me and I spoke back, wasn't rude or anything like that. But, I'm not inviting him over.
 

AlohaStyle

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If I were you, I would talk to him in a friendly, man-to-man conversation and ask him point blank if he needs the job or why he bid. IF he doesn't have a real solid reason to want the job, ask him if he can step away from it as your family really could use the money. I figure if you go to him as a friend, as a man, and not in a bitchy way, you will win either way. You will either get if off your chest if he keeps the job for whatever reason and you know you tried, or he will do the right thing and step down if he understands how much the job means to your family... Just make sure to come across in a genuine way and you should be good no matter what happens.
 

BEN(SWEDEN)

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If I were you, I would talk to him in a friendly, man-to-man conversation and ask him point blank if he needs the job or why he bid. IF he doesn't have a real solid reason to want the job, ask him if he can step away from it as your family really could use the money. I figure if you go to him as a friend, as a man, and not in a bitchy way, you will win either way. You will either get if off your chest if he keeps the job for whatever reason and you know you tried, or he will do the right thing and step down if he understands how much the job means to your family... Just make sure to come across in a genuine way and you should be good no matter what happens.
I agree to this, it sounds good and fair. Either way I hope it all works out in the end for you bro!!
 

iCraig

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If I were you, I would talk to him in a friendly, man-to-man conversation and ask him point blank if he needs the job or why he bid. IF he doesn't have a real solid reason to want the job, ask him if he can step away from it as your family really could use the money. I figure if you go to him as a friend, as a man, and not in a bitchy way, you will win either way. You will either get if off your chest if he keeps the job for whatever reason and you know you tried, or he will do the right thing and step down if he understands how much the job means to your family... Just make sure to come across in a genuine way and you should be good no matter what happens.
AlohaStyle's got some style. I like this idea.
 

CWS

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In disputes between men it is often good to bring in a church elder. A frank discussion of your feelings and needs may be all it takes.
 
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If I were you, I would talk to him in a friendly, man-to-man conversation and ask him point blank if he needs the job or why he bid. IF he doesn't have a real solid reason to want the job, ask him if he can step away from it as your family really could use the money. I figure if you go to him as a friend, as a man, and not in a bitchy way, you will win either way. You will either get if off your chest if he keeps the job for whatever reason and you know you tried, or he will do the right thing and step down if he understands how much the job means to your family... Just make sure to come across in a genuine way and you should be good no matter what happens.
This is a great idea. You can even let him know up front that your in-laws have no idea that you're speaking with him, so it doesn't affect their relationship even if he gets pissed at you (which I don't think you'd be to broken up about).
 

mcroom

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Let it go. "In everything, give thanks..." You might just even thank him one day, saying that you were not aware that he needed the job more than yourself and that you will be praying for him.
 
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