Doctors Office Tips
1) When going to see a new physician, do not bring in your current medications. We love to guess at the names and dosages.
2) Every time you come in to see the physician makes sure you have at least 15 complaints. We love the challenge of addressing your multitude of issues in a 10 minute period of time. Never under ANY circumstances divide your issues into two separate visits.
3) When telling your physician about your pain, illness, or issue please either lie or exaggerate. We consider ourselves medical detectives and love a good mystery.
4) When going to your doctors office for a prostate check, its beneficial for the patient to refrain from showering for at least 72 hours. If you must wipe please leave a piece of toilet paper stuck to your rectal hair. There is nothing quite as thrilling as seeing that before lunch.
5) When a physician must do a hernia check and asks you to remove your pants, you must keep your underwear/boxers on. We like to add to the awkwardness of the situation by asking you to also pull down the boxers. Its also recommended that you roll your eyes and let out an uncomfortable grunt just to let us know you are heterosexual.
6) Please complain about how long you waited in the waiting room, then take up 30 minutes of the physicians time by telling him about your rock collection.
7) Every time your physician coughs or sneezes dont you dare say God bless you. Instead use the witty phrase, physician heal thyself.
8) Every time you get a runny nose, you must call the office staff and state it is a medical emergency and you must be seen today.
9) When you wake up with a cold at 3 am, please do not ever wait until the morning to get an appointment. Call the emergency number and demand the physician be woken up to call you in an antibiotic.
10) When you think you have some sort of horrific illness its best to go online to self diagnose. Please bring in all your research and your diagnosis to the physician. Its best if you also have a treatment in mind. It makes our hectic lives much easier.
eace:
1) When going to see a new physician, do not bring in your current medications. We love to guess at the names and dosages.
2) Every time you come in to see the physician makes sure you have at least 15 complaints. We love the challenge of addressing your multitude of issues in a 10 minute period of time. Never under ANY circumstances divide your issues into two separate visits.
3) When telling your physician about your pain, illness, or issue please either lie or exaggerate. We consider ourselves medical detectives and love a good mystery.
4) When going to your doctors office for a prostate check, its beneficial for the patient to refrain from showering for at least 72 hours. If you must wipe please leave a piece of toilet paper stuck to your rectal hair. There is nothing quite as thrilling as seeing that before lunch.
5) When a physician must do a hernia check and asks you to remove your pants, you must keep your underwear/boxers on. We like to add to the awkwardness of the situation by asking you to also pull down the boxers. Its also recommended that you roll your eyes and let out an uncomfortable grunt just to let us know you are heterosexual.
6) Please complain about how long you waited in the waiting room, then take up 30 minutes of the physicians time by telling him about your rock collection.
7) Every time your physician coughs or sneezes dont you dare say God bless you. Instead use the witty phrase, physician heal thyself.
8) Every time you get a runny nose, you must call the office staff and state it is a medical emergency and you must be seen today.
9) When you wake up with a cold at 3 am, please do not ever wait until the morning to get an appointment. Call the emergency number and demand the physician be woken up to call you in an antibiotic.
10) When you think you have some sort of horrific illness its best to go online to self diagnose. Please bring in all your research and your diagnosis to the physician. Its best if you also have a treatment in mind. It makes our hectic lives much easier.
eace:
