Six months without you, ... it still feels unreal. One moment we are here talking about our future and the next you are gone? . . WDF - There are numerous times that I ask myself "fck, does god hate me this much?" The love I have for my husband is fckn insane. Never thought I would get struck this fckn hard but I did. Everyone asks me 'How are you ? ' ' Girl, I don't know how u do it?' LOL - well, I wouldn't want anyone in my shoes, that's for sure. To be honest this widow shit sucks, it sucks fckn bad. I don't understand why I still get up every morning, but I still do. - This is a special picture of ourselves. the day we got married. Our plans got pushed. We were planning on getting married on October 19, 2024, we pushed our wedding to February 24... the little one in the middle of us, is our precious granddaughter Nayelli. Babe was just an incredible Grandpa. The first week Babe was gone, my daughter Nadia, brought Nayelli to our room every morning. To wake me up, to have my coffee and to eat (even if it was a little). It's because of Nayelli, I get up every morning. In reality, I'm broken from inside. I'm shattered. I already know, I am never gonna be the same. My mind is set on 'Babe's in Nicaragua, he'll text me later'. Nayelli makes sure Grandma wakes up to get that text from Grandpa. - Doing stuff without Babe is odd as hell. I smile but my smiles aren't genuine. I laugh but I laugh cuz shit is funny, but my kids know my laughs aren't the same. My mind gets filled with our memories of us, I cry then I go smoke a cig. My sister asked me the other day 'why are u smoking'. My answer, it fckn helps. I started smoking more after Babe passed. He's probably not happy about my habit. I just hope Babe knows that he's always on my mind and that I'm waiting for his text.
- Maria G