smokemifugotem
BoM July '10
I can relate to a few of these:closedmou
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she
answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look
at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone
a friend."
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to
the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind
was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio,
and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the
house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my
wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 10
years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.' I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my
shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your
chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have
dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for
herself."
And then the fight st arted...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror..
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
And then the fight started....
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she
answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look
at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone
a friend."
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to
the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind
was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio,
and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the
house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my
wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 10
years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.' I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my
shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your
chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have
dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for
herself."
And then the fight st arted...
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror..
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
And then the fight started....
