I'm here to help!
Here are some suggested additions and modifications to the faq. Feel
free to add your own...
Q. I smoke cigars, but don't want my breath to smell like I smoke
cigars. How can I get rid of cigar breath?
A. You can't. It doesn't matter how many times you click your heels
together and wish, Dorothy, if you smoke cigars, you're going to smell
like a cigar smoker. Get over it.
Q. Should I remove the cello from my cigars before I put them in the
humidor?
A. Whether or not you wrap your torpedo is an intensely personal
choice. Please realize that you and whomever smokes your robusto will
have to live with the consequences of your actions, and then let your
conscience be your guide. Don't feel you have to share at this level
with the group.
Q. What is PG?
A. It's what might result from removing the cellophane from your cigar
before putting it in the humidor.
Q. Can I convert a refrigerator/china cabinet/blanket chest/closet into
a humidor?
A. Sure, and you can convert your family room into a garage. Go get
'em, tiger!
Q. I just bought a bunch of cigars but I don't have a humidor. What can
I do to keep them fresh?
A. Go ahead and put them in a ziplock bag. That should keep them fresh
for the two or three days it will take you to complete a course on
project planning and scheduling.
Q. I have a box of cigars that have something fuzzy on them, is it mold
or plume?
A. Please hold the cigar closer to the monitor, I can't quite make it
out.
Q. Sometimes when I smoke a powerful cigar I get dizzy and nauseous.
What causes that?
A. It's probably just a mild case of nicotine poisoning. On the other
hand, it could be a symptom of a horrible tropical disease. If it goes
away by itself after an hour or two, you'll probably be fine.
Q. What is a good beverage to drink while I smoke a cigar?
A. Anything that you are not allergic to and that is intended for human
consumption will probably be fine. Very few potable liquids produce
unsatisfactory reactions when mixed with cigar smoke. Go ahead, live a
little.
Q. I'm having a baby/getting married/having a bar mitzvah/starting a
business, what is a good cigar to give out?
A. Occasions like these are the perfect reason to keep the bands from
your good cigars. Put them on Connies and gift away. It's the same
idea as when you take a handful of business cards from the "Win a Free
Dinner" fishbowl on the counter at Denny's so you can hand them out
later at the strip club.
Q. Can I bring Cuban cigars into the US even though the law clearly says
I can't?
A. Sure, just tuck them in your suitcase with a couple of small bindles
of heroin. Try not to sweat and glance furtively around the customs
area while you're in line. Act cool.
Q. What will happen if I'm caught?
A. If you've tucked them in with the heroin as suggested, the Cuban
cigars will be the least of your problems.
Q. I bought a cigar from this place that I went to. It's a Don
Somethingorother. What will it taste like?
A. Chances are the cigar will either taste good or it won't. Some folks
like that particular brand, others don't see the attraction. Here's a
novel idea, smoke it and see.
Q. My humidor is too wet/dry. What should I do?
A. Panic. Having a humidor that is too wet/dry is the single most
devastating thing that can happen to a person. Seek professional help
immediately, before the rash gets too bad, and avoid scratching the
afflicted area.
Q. My wife/husband/partner doesn't hold the same fascination for cigars
that I do, and wants me to quit. What can I do?
A. Trade your cigars for an accordion. Play obsessively. Wait two
weeks and politely ask her/him again. If necessary, trade for a drum
set.
Q. Someone offered me a "Cuban cigar" that was obviously fake. Should I
tell the person he's been horked?
A. Sure, and make sure and point out what you really think of his Snoopy
tie and tell his kids that there's no Santa Claus while you're on a
roll. Pepole crave honesty.
Q. I smoke cigars in my office/car/house. Is there an air filter that
will get rid of the smell?
A. I've never tried one, but I hear that the tornado seeds that Wile E.
Coyote buys from ACME will help. Other than that, you're hosed.
Here are some suggested additions and modifications to the faq. Feel
free to add your own...
Q. I smoke cigars, but don't want my breath to smell like I smoke
cigars. How can I get rid of cigar breath?
A. You can't. It doesn't matter how many times you click your heels
together and wish, Dorothy, if you smoke cigars, you're going to smell
like a cigar smoker. Get over it.
Q. Should I remove the cello from my cigars before I put them in the
humidor?
A. Whether or not you wrap your torpedo is an intensely personal
choice. Please realize that you and whomever smokes your robusto will
have to live with the consequences of your actions, and then let your
conscience be your guide. Don't feel you have to share at this level
with the group.
Q. What is PG?
A. It's what might result from removing the cellophane from your cigar
before putting it in the humidor.
Q. Can I convert a refrigerator/china cabinet/blanket chest/closet into
a humidor?
A. Sure, and you can convert your family room into a garage. Go get
'em, tiger!
Q. I just bought a bunch of cigars but I don't have a humidor. What can
I do to keep them fresh?
A. Go ahead and put them in a ziplock bag. That should keep them fresh
for the two or three days it will take you to complete a course on
project planning and scheduling.
Q. I have a box of cigars that have something fuzzy on them, is it mold
or plume?
A. Please hold the cigar closer to the monitor, I can't quite make it
out.
Q. Sometimes when I smoke a powerful cigar I get dizzy and nauseous.
What causes that?
A. It's probably just a mild case of nicotine poisoning. On the other
hand, it could be a symptom of a horrible tropical disease. If it goes
away by itself after an hour or two, you'll probably be fine.
Q. What is a good beverage to drink while I smoke a cigar?
A. Anything that you are not allergic to and that is intended for human
consumption will probably be fine. Very few potable liquids produce
unsatisfactory reactions when mixed with cigar smoke. Go ahead, live a
little.
Q. I'm having a baby/getting married/having a bar mitzvah/starting a
business, what is a good cigar to give out?
A. Occasions like these are the perfect reason to keep the bands from
your good cigars. Put them on Connies and gift away. It's the same
idea as when you take a handful of business cards from the "Win a Free
Dinner" fishbowl on the counter at Denny's so you can hand them out
later at the strip club.
Q. Can I bring Cuban cigars into the US even though the law clearly says
I can't?
A. Sure, just tuck them in your suitcase with a couple of small bindles
of heroin. Try not to sweat and glance furtively around the customs
area while you're in line. Act cool.
Q. What will happen if I'm caught?
A. If you've tucked them in with the heroin as suggested, the Cuban
cigars will be the least of your problems.
Q. I bought a cigar from this place that I went to. It's a Don
Somethingorother. What will it taste like?
A. Chances are the cigar will either taste good or it won't. Some folks
like that particular brand, others don't see the attraction. Here's a
novel idea, smoke it and see.
Q. My humidor is too wet/dry. What should I do?
A. Panic. Having a humidor that is too wet/dry is the single most
devastating thing that can happen to a person. Seek professional help
immediately, before the rash gets too bad, and avoid scratching the
afflicted area.
Q. My wife/husband/partner doesn't hold the same fascination for cigars
that I do, and wants me to quit. What can I do?
A. Trade your cigars for an accordion. Play obsessively. Wait two
weeks and politely ask her/him again. If necessary, trade for a drum
set.
Q. Someone offered me a "Cuban cigar" that was obviously fake. Should I
tell the person he's been horked?
A. Sure, and make sure and point out what you really think of his Snoopy
tie and tell his kids that there's no Santa Claus while you're on a
roll. Pepole crave honesty.
Q. I smoke cigars in my office/car/house. Is there an air filter that
will get rid of the smell?
A. I've never tried one, but I hear that the tornado seeds that Wile E.
Coyote buys from ACME will help. Other than that, you're hosed.
