If someone asked you

[Boudie]

Went to a cousin's 50th wedding anniversary last night and didn't know most of the people there. When meeting new people you inevitably get asked "What do you do for a living"? After a couple glasses of Scotch I started making stuff up

I told one young lady (in her 50s) that

"I wrote jokes for the CIA"

Once she decided to play along she said

"And I bet you can't tell me one because they're still secret"

"Yep, next question"

If asked what you do for a living and you felt you could get away with the most outlandish lie

What would you say?

 

[highsierrasmokin']

"I'm a Fluffer for Scarlett Johansson"

 

[Alwayslit]

I'm a professional videographer that catches heinous sh!t like this on film and then sell it on fetish websites.

 

[Capn_Jackson]

Motion-capture actor for the Demogorgon on Stranger Things, but my real passion is writing assembly instructions for IKEA furniture.

 

[MikeNice]

I hate dinner parties and fake small talk. So, for years I would tell people what I did in the most horrific way possible. I worked in hospitals dealing with psych patients and folks experiencing a "mental health crisis."

I stop people from jumping off of buildings and murdering people.

If the vibe was pretty cool I would just say, "I work with behavioral health patients."

 

[Rupe]

I have come up with a few...

- Professional Nerf herder
- Suburban Robot. As part of the smart patrol, I monitor reality and shove the poles in the holes.
- Part of the deep state, looking for ways to take your guns, flags and trucks away from you.
- Tinfoil Milliner

 

[jwintosh]

I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

 

[highsierrasmokin']

"You know the stuff inside the Cadbury cream eggs....yeah I make that stuff."

 

[Boudie]

@highsierrasmokin'

I bet your right wrist gets pretty tired at the end of the day

 

[Alwayslit]

Scratching that off the list forever.............LOL

 

[MaytagMan]

Been away on vacay so I'm late to the party, but...


I develop new flavors of rectal thermometers.

 

[Boudie]

Been away on vacay so I'm late to the party, but...


I develop new flavors of rectal thermometers.

Hope you didn't come back from VACAY just to post that

 

[Alwayslit]

I like telling people I'm an efficiency expert in Washington DC.

 

[Rupe]

I like telling people I'm an efficiency expert in Washington DC.

sounds like an oxymoron to me

 

[icehog3]

I do security planning for the Secret Service?