The Betrothed
by Rudyard Kipling
You must choose between me and your cigar.
Breach of Promise Case, circa 1885.
Open the old cigar-box, get me a Cuba stout,
For things are running crossways, and Maggie and I are out.
We quarrelled about Havanaswe fought oer a good cheroot,
And I know she is exacting, and she says I am a brute.
Open the old cigar-boxlet me consider a space;
In the soft blue veil of the vapor musing on Maggies face.
Maggie is pretty to look atMaggies a loving lass,
But the prettiest cheeks must wrinkle, the truest of loves must pass.
Theres peace in a Larranaga, theres calm in a Henry Clay;
But the best cigar in an hour is finished and thrown away
Thrown away for another as perfect and ripe and brown
But I could not throw away Maggie for fear o the talk o the town!
Maggie, my wife at fiftygrey and dour and old
With never another Maggie to purchase for love or gold!
And the light of Days that have Been the dark of the Days that Are,
And Loves torch stinking and stale, like the butt of a dead cigar
The butt of a dead cigar you are bound to keep in your pocket
With never a new one to light tho its charred and black to the socket!
Open the old cigar-boxlet me consider a while.
Here is a mild Manilathere is a wifely smile.
Which is the better portionbondage bought with a ring,
Or a harem of dusky beauties, fifty tied in a string?
Counselors cunning and silentcomforters true and tried,
And never a one of the fifty to sneer at a rival bride?
Thought in the early morning, solace in time of woes,
Peace in the hush of the twilight, balm ere my eyelids close,
This will the fifty give me, asking nought in return,
With only a Suttees passionto do their duty and burn.
This will the fifty give me. When they are spent and dead,
Five times other fifties shall be my servants instead.
The furrows of far-off Java, the isles of the Spanish Main,
When they hear my harem is empty will send me my brides again.
I will take no heed to their raiment, nor food for their mouths withal,
So long as the gulls are nesting, so long as the showers fall.
I will scent em with best vanilla, with tea will I temper their hides,
And the Moor and the Mormon shall envy who read of the tale of my brides.
For Maggie has written a letter to give me my choice between
The wee little whimpering Love and the great god Nick o Teen.
And I have been servant of Love for barely a twelvemonth clear,
But I have been Priest of Cabanas a matter of seven year;
And the gloom of my bachelor days is flecked with the cheery light
Of stumps that I burned to Friendship and Pleasure and Work and Fight.
And I turn my eyes to the future that Maggie and I must prove,
But the only light on the marshes is the Will-o-the-Wisp of Love.
Will it see me safe through my journey or leave me bogged in the mire?
Since a puff of tobacco can cloud it, shall I follow the fitful fire?
Open the old cigar-boxlet me consider anew
Old friends, and who is Maggie that I should abandon you?
A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear the yoke;
And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke.
Light me another CubaI hold to my first-sworn vows.
If Maggie will have no rival, Ill have no Maggie for Spouse!
by Rudyard Kipling
You must choose between me and your cigar.
Breach of Promise Case, circa 1885.
Open the old cigar-box, get me a Cuba stout,
For things are running crossways, and Maggie and I are out.
We quarrelled about Havanaswe fought oer a good cheroot,
And I know she is exacting, and she says I am a brute.
Open the old cigar-boxlet me consider a space;
In the soft blue veil of the vapor musing on Maggies face.
Maggie is pretty to look atMaggies a loving lass,
But the prettiest cheeks must wrinkle, the truest of loves must pass.
Theres peace in a Larranaga, theres calm in a Henry Clay;
But the best cigar in an hour is finished and thrown away
Thrown away for another as perfect and ripe and brown
But I could not throw away Maggie for fear o the talk o the town!
Maggie, my wife at fiftygrey and dour and old
With never another Maggie to purchase for love or gold!
And the light of Days that have Been the dark of the Days that Are,
And Loves torch stinking and stale, like the butt of a dead cigar
The butt of a dead cigar you are bound to keep in your pocket
With never a new one to light tho its charred and black to the socket!
Open the old cigar-boxlet me consider a while.
Here is a mild Manilathere is a wifely smile.
Which is the better portionbondage bought with a ring,
Or a harem of dusky beauties, fifty tied in a string?
Counselors cunning and silentcomforters true and tried,
And never a one of the fifty to sneer at a rival bride?
Thought in the early morning, solace in time of woes,
Peace in the hush of the twilight, balm ere my eyelids close,
This will the fifty give me, asking nought in return,
With only a Suttees passionto do their duty and burn.
This will the fifty give me. When they are spent and dead,
Five times other fifties shall be my servants instead.
The furrows of far-off Java, the isles of the Spanish Main,
When they hear my harem is empty will send me my brides again.
I will take no heed to their raiment, nor food for their mouths withal,
So long as the gulls are nesting, so long as the showers fall.
I will scent em with best vanilla, with tea will I temper their hides,
And the Moor and the Mormon shall envy who read of the tale of my brides.
For Maggie has written a letter to give me my choice between
The wee little whimpering Love and the great god Nick o Teen.
And I have been servant of Love for barely a twelvemonth clear,
But I have been Priest of Cabanas a matter of seven year;
And the gloom of my bachelor days is flecked with the cheery light
Of stumps that I burned to Friendship and Pleasure and Work and Fight.
And I turn my eyes to the future that Maggie and I must prove,
But the only light on the marshes is the Will-o-the-Wisp of Love.
Will it see me safe through my journey or leave me bogged in the mire?
Since a puff of tobacco can cloud it, shall I follow the fitful fire?
Open the old cigar-boxlet me consider anew
Old friends, and who is Maggie that I should abandon you?
A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear the yoke;
And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke.
Light me another CubaI hold to my first-sworn vows.
If Maggie will have no rival, Ill have no Maggie for Spouse!