Letting them go

[EO80]

This is for the parents out there that may have experience in this matter.
I always knew the time would come and never wanted to admit it was sooner rather than later. So here is the back story.
My son just turned 12 in May. He has had a crush o. The girl next door for a couple years and came to me for advice. So i gave it to him. After all, I never had a father around to give me these talks and wanted to be there for him. Moving to this last 4th of july where my son took my advice and got his first girlfriend. (Proud dad moment) well from then on he has treated her like he doesn't care and i have tried to explain how to step up and be a worthy man, yes i know he is only 12 but its never too young to learn. Now he just geta irritated and won't talk to me anymore about the questions he still has.
Getting to the point, he has been very disrespectful lately towards his friends and family. He no longer wants to take my advice like he always did. So, how do you just let go of the little kid and let them make their own mistakes?
Any help is great, guys. Thanks again BOTL for always being around.

 

[boltman]

If there is an abrupt personality change there could be something bothering your son. Something specific may have happened to cause this. If the change is more subtle and has transpired over a longer period of time he could be just exercising his independence. But to answer your question, if one of my kids went from being a normal happy kid to being "very disrespectful lately towards his friends and family" I would start asking questions first to his mother, teachers, etc and finally after gathering as much information as possible I would have a non confrontational talk with my son. I would swallow my pride if my son no longer wanted my advice and I would let it go, but there would be consequences if he was disrespectful and I would make that clear to him.

 

[EO80]

Its not so much an abrupt change in personality, more like just not wanting to listen to advice. That part seems to be a never ending battle of limiting video game and tablet time. His limits have not been enforced lately due to other things going on. But those will soon be tightened up when he gets back from his 4h week with his mom. My biggest thing is trying to teach him to respect relationships whether its a girl friend or just a friend. "Quit being a dick" kinda thing.
But i get what your saying. Thanks.

 

[boltman]

Sounds like all he needs is a few weeks at his dad's house

 

[sofc]

He's 12, not 18, or 25.

I think it's my job to teach my boys to become men however old they are. I'm not there to be their friend or their boss, I'm their father and it's my job always to guide them.

 

[EO80]

He's 12, not 18, or 25.

I think it's my job to teach my boys to become men however old they are. I'm not there to be their friend or their boss, I'm their father and it's my job always to guide them.

And this is exactly what i am trying to do. Offer advice. Its just hard when they don't listen to it and you are watching a train wreck you can't stop. I guess he will live and learn and i just have to let him. Its just hard to do.

 

[Jim D]

It is hard to do, but sometimes they'll learn the hard way and realize you were right, then listen a little more...My kids are only 8 and 10 years old so I'm not quite at the boyfriend/girlfriend stage yet but they do have friends/relationships that need the same kind of coaching.

 

[ZippoGeek]

Just seeing this now brother...sorry for your frustration. One thing I've learned with my son is to let him fall on his face as needed. Yep, it's the hardest thing in the world to watch. Mine's a lot bigger than yours; as you know, I almost put him through a wall the other day for blatant disrespect. Since then, he's been a lot less, well, "dickish." The adolescent / teenage years are tough because they start sharpening their teeth on us. They think they know better than us and stop listening to our advice. Let him reap what he sows in this situation, all the while reminding him that "I'm disappointed in you for your treatment of others!" He'll come around...try to be patient. Remember that life is process (and sometimes that process needs to be painful). My $.02

 

[EO80]

I think its a good thing he has been gone all week. It has helped me take a breath and reflect on things. I am at peace with letting him slam his own head in a door a couple times. Maybe it will wake him up. Lol