Christmas of 2004 I was driving 1200 miles to visit my parents with my (then) 10 year old, 3 year old, and 18 month old. To start the trip off right, the baby got car sick about 100 miles from home. Then, some weather came in and shut down the interstate to a crawl. At one point it took me 12 hours to go six miles.
After 40 hours of driving --and still 200 miles from my parents house with no end in sight-- I couldn't take it anymore. I was on the edge of a sleep deprived induced nervous breakdown. I had to pull over and get some sleep. So I get off the interstate and check into the only place that has rooms, a La Quinta Inn. My wife and I get one bed. The oldest two get another, and I put my youngest in a play pen that I set up and I lay down to get some sleep.
90 minutes into some much needed rest a smell wakes me up. Mind you, I've literally been awake for almost two full days at this point, so I bet you could have stubbed Churchills out on my forehead and I would have slept through it.
This smell was so bad that I woke up gagging. I'm not exaggerating, I sat bolt upright in bed and did everything I could not to puke.
This horrible smell... was coming from the baby. She filled her diaper with what I can only describe as liquified road kill, mixed with sewage, blended into something that burned my nose like ammonia. I've always been a very involved father. I've changed a lot of diapers, but this thing was more rancid than any regular poop known to man kind.
I couldn't even keep the dirty diaper in the room. I had to run it outside to the dumpster. All of her clothes too! Just threw them away, there was no hope for them.
I washed my hands at least a dozen times and still couldn't get that fetid stink of death off of my hands. We opened the door to the room (in 12 degree F weather) and tried to to air the joint out, but nothing worked. So there we are, three hours after stopping, back in the truck and on the road. It took fourteen more hours to get to my folks place, and to say I was surly was an understatement.
I bet you there is a maid who quit her job that day and still talks about it now. If I ever get a chance to meet her, I'd like to apologize and buy her a couple of stiff drinks.
