jckposter said:
I dont do shit and have no intention of doing anything....Leg workout is long walk to my den to the humi...arm work out is open a bottle of wine...I joined a gym last oct and hired a personal trainer...Big mistake nut case 5 min late damm every phone I had would ring cell office home....I though I was going to have to hire a hit men to get him to leave me alone.....ROFLOL...
Then you will love what a friend of mine sent to me....
For my fiftieth birthday this year, my wife
> (the dear) purchased a
> week of personal training at the local health club
> for me. Although I am
> still in great shape since playing on my college
> football team 30 yrs ago, I
> decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give
> it a try.
>
> Called the club and made my reservation with a
> personal trainer named
> Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr old
> aerobics instructor and model
> for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed
> pleased with my
> enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to
> keep a diary to chart
> my progress.
>
> MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get
> out of bed, but it was
> well worth it when I arrived at the health club to
> find Belinda waiting for
> me. She was something of a Greek goddess -- with
> blonde hair, dancing eyes
> and a dazzling white smile.
>
> Woo Hoo!!!!!
>
>
> Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the
> machines. She took my pulse
> after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed
> that my pulse was so fast,
> but I attributed it to standing next to her in her
> Lycra aerobics outfit. I
> enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she
> conducted her aerobics class
> after my workout today.
>
> Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I
> did my sit-ups, although
> my gut was already aching from holding it in the
> whole time she was around.
> This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
>
> TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I
> finally made it out the
> door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a
> heavy iron bar into the air,
> and then she put weights on it! My legs were a
> little wobbly on the
> treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's
> rewarding smile made it all
> worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for
> me.
>
> WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth
> is by laying the
> toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back
> and forth over it. I
> believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving
> was OK as long as I
> didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a
> GEO in the club parking
> lot.
>
> Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that
> my screams bothered
> other club members. Her voice is a little too perky
> for early in the morning
> and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine
> that is VERY annoying.
>
> My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so
> Belinda put me on the
> stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a
> machine to simulate an
> activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda
> told me it would help me
> get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other
> shit too.
>
> THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her
> vampire-like teeth
> exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in
> a full snarl. I couldn't
> help being a half an hour late; it took me that long
> to tie my shoes.
>
> Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells.
> When she was not looking,
> I ran and hid in the men's room.. She sent Lars to
> find me, then, as
> punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I
> sank.
>
> FRIDAY: I hate that bitch Belinda more than
> any human being has ever
> hated any other human being in the history of the
> world. Stupid, skinny,
> anemic little cheerleader. If there were a part of
> my body I could move
> without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
>
> Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I
> don't have any triceps. And
> if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me
> the *&%#(#&**!!@*@
> barbells or anything that weighs more than a
> sandwich.
>
> The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a
> health and nutrition
> teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer,
> like the drama coach or
> the choir director?
>
> SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my
> answering machine in her
> grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show
> up today. Just hearing
> her made me want to smash the machine with my
> planner. However, I lacked the
> strength to even use the TV remote and ended up
> catching eleven straight
> hours of the Weather Channel.
>
>
> SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up
> for services today so I
> can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will
> also pray that next
> year, my wife (the bitch), will choose a gift for me
> that is fun like a root
> canal or a vasectomy
>
