The Sleepover Question

[blessednxs65]

I spent this past Saturday with my teenage son shopping at the Mall and our conversation touched upon a wide range of topics. From why can't I have a MacBook Air to girls, to attire to you name it.

I came away thankful to God for our having deposited values in him which align to our faith. I also was impressed with how he thought through some of his responses. This is not to say that I was so relieved so as to let my guard down either.

I came away with new insight to the challenges our youth face in the area of choices and how diligent we as parents must remain in the face of them.

I then read this piece from the NY Times and concluded, that while I am not a prude (at least I don't think so), I am certain that my wife and I are far from ready to move this far to the left.

Thoughts anyone?

 

[Skitalets]

I think a lot of people are just too conflict-averse with their kids. IMHO it's dumb to say "Telling my kids they can't do X causes a fight, so I'll just let them do it," especially when X is something like "have sex way too young with my permission" or "do drugs" or whatever.

The article presents a false dichotomy, as well. It's not as if the only two options are to give your kids carte blanche or have them become promiscuous behind your back. Many parents (mine included) are good at inculcating strong values into their kids while being understanding when the kids screw up. I certainly benefited from my folks' high expectations when I was young. To my mind, the real problem is when parents are too angry and unforgiving when their kids make a mistake, not that they set high expectations at the beginning.

All just my $0.02 of course!

 

[tx_tuff]

Not to mention the American family in the article hasn't even talked about the birds and bees with their 16 year daughter! They could have picked a better example. And the point of the story is just stupid, could have been written about anything a teenager whats to do, you let them have their way and of course they will be happy, but that is not what being a good parent is about! Could have been titled "The Drug Question" and been the same story with drugs in place of sex.

 

[Alwayslit]

Parents need to start being parents and not best buddies.

 

[ChazHollywood]

Parents need to start being parents and not best buddies.

I agree with you 100%. I have a whole rant about that all, which I'll save for another post.

The point I wanted to make here is that it this doesn't really seem like a matter of wanting to be a friend rather than a parent. More than anything they seem to hold a different set of ideas of how kids should be protected during sexual development.

The American view seems to focus around preventing the encounter, while the Dutch view seems to be more about preparing teens to safely navigate the encounter.

Judging by their teen pregnancy and STD numbers (lower than ours) there may be something to learn here.

-Charles

 

[stroke]

I don't think the author's intent was to edify familial relationships; she clearly has an agenda. Also, she failed to mention the NEGATIVE aspects of teens sleeping around... I agree with skitalets, the American teen was clearly the victim of fundamentalist parents. You can be firm and raise your children with morals and ethics without being a miserable warden. There's a happy medium the author fails to acknowledge.

 

[orangedog]

Parents need to start being parents and not best buddies.

:thumbsup:

I could rant on this for a long time, but I'll save you all my drivel. This is sufficiently to the point.

 

[Docbp87]

As a young'un myself, I see both sides of this argument, and while I have a lot of respect for good parenting, I learned a lot of the most important life lessons I have ever learned from misspent days and nights getting up to nothing good.

 

[Cigary43]

Glad to see such positive posts on a subject matter that tends to alienate people. There are parents who will give their kids anything they want...just so that the parent can feel good about their kids not getting mad at them and so they can feel like they are developing good parent skills. Past generations disciplined their kids better than is done today...parents will defend their children even when that child is wrong or has done wrong. Kids today are so disrespectful to everyone...not only their parents but to strangers as well.

The real issue is that parents spoil their kids early and these kids develop this entitlement all the way through their lives. That area of the brain which is where judgement is formed...the amygdala doesn't even mature until the 25 th year of a persons life so imagine what takes place in a young adults mind when faced with things that impact their lives? This is why there is so much bizarre behavior because they have no judgement when it comes to "real life events"...they think they are bullet proof. Why do you think so many parents ask their kids..."What the hell were you thinking?"

 

[ciggy]

Parents need to start being parents and not best buddies.

110% with that!
It's a hard thing to do sometimes...hell almost all the time. However, as hard as it is the rewards of good parenting is what being a parent is all about and it will show when they have children of there own. They may not seem gratefull for it know but you will see...They will thank you for it down the road.