Today's the day...

[RyJ Smoker]

As some of my really good and close friends on here know, I'm in the middle of a divorce and today is the day I move out of my house. I can't believe how quickly this day came, but it's here and now time to face the music.

I absolutely love my house (1st house) and now have to move to a very small 1 bdrm apartement. It's nice, but very small. My wife and I have struggled with things for a couple of years, but kept putting this off to focus on her pregnancy, then the birth of our daughter. We've come to the realization that we're both not as happy as we feel we can be and finally decided to go through with this a couple of months ago. We're great friends and it's as amicable as possible. We're both using the same attorney, who's also a MLB umpire and great friend of mine.

I took a 1/2 day today to wrap up what few small things I have left to do and have friends coming over this evening to help with the big stuff. I'm both anxious and scared at the same time, as being alone is something I'm not looking forward to. I've been hiding this all well, but fear the second my friends leave this weekend, my new reality is going to sink in. Just wish I could fast-forward to 6 months from now to see how I'm doing, you know?

I've been hesitant to post this here (it's not on either of our Facebooks), but the brotherhood and friends for life I've gained through this site has been helping me more than I could possibly describe. The constant phone calls and texts checking up on me really help.

Not sure how active I'll be on here for the next week or two, but simply wanted to provide an explanation and let you all know what's going on in my life.

Your friend and brother,


Jeffrey L.

 

[pbibby]

Praying for you brother! Anytime you need a smoking partner you just let me know!

Blessings,
Paul

 

[fourkicksfan]

Prayers for ya Jeff! I've been down this same path you are about to take. It gets harder before it gets easier. Only advice I can give is don't sit in seclusion, let people help and get yourself around others as much as possible. I let my pride stand in the way, and was depressed as I stood alone not telling anyone of my problems. All brothers are here all the time, and I'm just a PM away from a smoke!

Head high man, first day of the rest of your life!!!

 

[MoJo]

Sorry to hear, hope everything goes well with the transition. I'm not close to IL, but I'm just a pm away from a vHerf if you every need a break

 

[Alwayslit]

Prayers sent. Best of success.

 

[reinadocigars]

All the best to you Jeff. You will be fine and as fourkicksfan said, surround yourself with others. Prayers will be sent for you man...

 

[el_guapo13]

New to the forum but wish you the best Jeff L.

I'm young and dumb so I can't really offer any advice. Keep yourself busy and stay positive.

 

[Romulus Cogswell]

There's plenty of us local guys that'd be happy to light up with you anytime you need a mental getaway.

 

[mistaforty]

Can't say I know you personally yet, or how you feel but I can say as a man and a botl that I'm pulling for you and wish you both the best. And heres hoping the friendship stays strong enough for both of you to be positively involved in your daughters life.

 

[RyJ Smoker]

I truly appreciate all the kind messages and PM's, everyone.

Thank you for helping me though this.

Your friend and brother,


Jeffrey L.

 

[MattSRoss81]

All my best, Jeff. As everyone else has stated - we're all just a message away!

 

[CigarGavin]

We are here you you Jeff; take your time and don't feel like your stuck or alone. When you ready we will grab a group of BOTL's and head for the nearest shop that allows sleepovers and 24- cigar binges :smokingbo

 

[mwlabel]

Wishing you the best, Jeff. We're all here for you, and will continue to be as you go along your journey.

 

[Craig Mac]

Things will get better bro. It will take some time, but you'll be back to your old self before you know it.

 

[mdwest]

#1 piece of advice (from a guy who's been down this road)... keep yourself busy..

down time is when your mind wanders..

so dont give yourself any...

hang out with friends... go to the gym.. pick up a new hobby (or two).. get deeper into the hobbies you already have... etc..

youre going to find that youre going to have more "spare time" on your hands than you imagined.. most people dont realize how much time they actually spend with a spouse, even when they arent really doing anything.. youre going to have several hours of "dead space" on your hands that used to be taken up every day with anything from simple banter at the dinner table to caring for the kids to sitting on the couch watching TV at night..

you need to fill those voids with positive activities (dont get stupid, go out boozing 5 nights a week, acting like a new bachelor.. that will only make you misrable in the long run)....

get in shape... if youre already in shape.. get in better shape.. spend more time at the local B&M hanging out with the bro's... take up skydiving.. etc... just surround yourself with good people and STAY BUSY...

It will take some time to adjust... but thats not necessarily a bad thing.. stay positive.. and lean on the people that are there for you.. thats what they are there for..

FWIW, the relationship I have with my ex-wife (and mother of my kids) is far better today than it ever was when we were married.. the first couple of years were trying at times.. but now, we get along fine.. and we are both much more happy apart than we ever were married.. the anxiety about divorce for me at least wasnt about ending the marriage... I knew that needed to happen and was what was best for everyone involved.. it was over change.. (something most humans dont adapt to very well).. once I got past that, and realized that the majority of the changes taking place in my life were good ones.. it was pretty easy to put the anxiety behind me and completely move on with my life..

 

[Rupe]

Keep your head up Jeff....

I think that mdwest gave you some of the best advice that I can think of. Don't be afraid to lean on your brothers and know that we all there for you. Also, make sure you keep yourself as busy as possible and make sure you don't fall into the trap of blaming yourself. I just added you to my daily prayer list and will continue to pray for you for the forseeable future. Breakups suck but change can ultimately make things much better for you.

 

[Joeytivo]

Hang in there brother. When things are tough I stick to one saying. God only gives you what he KNOWS you can handle. You'll get through this. Stay positive and listen to the great advice you are getting in this thread. Good luck.

 

[javi_v]

Best of luck brother. Like everyone has said, keep busy, talk to friends about it and keep good company. You already took the first step by posting on here and that is admirable. Huntley is some what away but if you are ever in the city hit me up. Always down to go for a smoke.

 

[AlohaStyle]

Good luck to you brother. It's never easy to admit something isn't right in life and make changes, but you did. I like the advice above, just keep busy and this initial "hard time" will pass much quicker.

 

[JOEGAR]

Good luck.....stay positive.....and focus on the good things in life.