Yet another 1000th post contest ...

[tedski]

Well, there is no way I can top JC's contest. It was well thought out and had great participation.

Mine will be a bit simpler. Just post something funny. This can be a joke, personal experience, a news article, whatever ... the only stipulation is that tobacco must somehow be involved. I will choose the best three responses and then everyone can vote for a winner (who will receive a very nice prize package). This portion ends next Friday, Jan 27 at midnight PDT.

So let's get laughing ... :rolling:

 

[indyrob]

The only funny thing I have is an old post....

Default Conversation with my 2 y/o this morning
I'm having a cup of coffee when my daughter came up and sat down at the counter.

Raechel: Fokee?
Dad: No...Coffee.
Raechel: Fokee?
Dad: No honey..Coffee
Dad: Coff...ee...Coffee
Raechel: Coff?
Raechel: ee?
Dad: Yes honey, Coffee!
Raechel has just spied my LG Diaz that I was getting ready to smoke as I was drinking my coffee...
Raechel: Foken Cigar?


I think she was trying to say Coffee and cigar, but it came out sounding like "Fuckin Cigar"

Out of the mouths of babes eh?


http://www.botl.org/community/forums/showthread.php?t=4670

 

[Poni]

The first time i had a cigar with a cedar strip on it, I wasn't sure if i was supposed to smoke it with the strip on....:frownno: (i know)

 

[tobby4]

Dwavs is Straight....

 

[Two Jacks]

I buy all my cigars from Thompson's. They have the best smokes at the best prices. They even carry genuine Cuban cigars!


That should get everyone laughing :laugh:

Thanks for the contest tedski!

 

[Wasch_24]

When the last pipe I purchased arrived the other week my daughter saw me opening it and said "What's that Daddy?"

I told her it was a new pipe for Daddy as I pulled it from the box and felt bag.

When she saw it she said "Oh, that's pretty...can I do it?" So, laughing and thinking to myself "What is she gonna do with it?" I had her the pipe and she puts the bit in her mouth and proceeds to blow through the pipe like she is blowing bubbles.

The wife and I were rolling for like five minutes after that.

Of course I then had to explain that Daddy's pipes are only for grown-ups but it was still funny as heck.



Nice contest Ted.

 

[caudio51]

I usually drive up to my friends house in Paramus every couple of weekends. It's a nice 50 minute hour drive up the NJ Turnpike, perfect time for a cigar. This was prior to me getting my cigar boken so I would ash into a can I put in the cup holder. Well I had to put the cigar down for a second and tried to do this balancing act.

Well it didn't work. The lit cigar ended up rolling in between the seat and the console. I swerved to the side of the road so fast you would think there was a kid in the middle of the highway. Slam the car in park and start to dig for it.

This cigar is in the most difficult place to retreive it. I am finally able to get a finger or two on it without burning myself or the carpet. After a minute of precision handling I was able to get the cigar without burning any of the carpet or seat. The one thing I wasn't able to prevent was the ash all over the place. With my black leather interior it looked like someone dumped an ash tray all over it.

I learned my lesson on that one. Threw the car in drive and took off happily smoking again without lighting the car on fire.

 

[tedski]

Dwavs is Straight....

Now that's funny ... :hysterica

 

[Headbanger]

tobby4 is gay....

 

[cvm4]

tobby4 is gay

Could be possible:dunno: ...He's rockin' that light pick and neon pink undershirt :lookaroun :squinteye

 

[dmoby]

some people may call me a bitch, because I suffer from that tobacco itch... My friends just don't understand, the tobaccos that come from the far away land...
Now I am no Cuban snob, But I do enjoy smoking with my local mob...
Cigars are my vice and they are quite nice; and this bitch is going to be scratching his itch for as long as the Tobacco grows.

 

[cvm4]

some people may call me a bitch, because I suffer from that tobacco itch... My friends just don't understand, the tobaccos that come from the far away land...
Now I am no Cuban snob, But I do enjoy smoking with my local mob...
Cigars are my vice and they are quite nice; and this bitch is going to be scratching his itch for as long as the Tobacco grows.

Perfect candidate for:

http://www.botl.org/community/forums/showthread.php?t=5266&highlight=rhyme

 

[Rank_Tyro]

Yesterday, I went to my sisters' house for dinner. We were in the middle of making dinner, when my youngest niece,(6) came up and grabbed my wine glass, held it up to her mouth and said......"WINE!!"

Not knowing what to do, I told Sophia, "yes, it's wine".
That adorable little girl looked up at me and said, "Thank you", and then before I could stop her, took a drink.

I know it is not polite to laugh at other human beings' sufferings, but when Sophi looked at me and started crying "GAHHH...............WINEEEEE SUCKSSSSS......"
I almost lost control of my bladder, I was laughing so hard.
I was expecting to be thrown out of the family for that one, but my sister damned near pissed herself as well.

That poor baby girl learned a harsh lesson....."Not all grape juice is created equal".

 

[AZsteelman]

Ok, this past summer I threw a golf tournament for some customers here in Phoenix - the Death in the Desert Classic.

After the tournament, I offered everyone a cigar. This one guy, who acted like he was a cigar king, picked out a la Aroma de Cuba Monarch. I offered him my Xikar cutter and he and took it and the torch over to the chair by his drink. It was then he did something I think I will never quite get over in my lifetime!

He took the cigar out of the cello and proceeded to lick it all over. He put it almost completely in his mouth at one end and really slicked it up. The he put the other end in his mouth and slicked it up there, too. Then he licked and licked it from one end to the other until there was slobber dripping off the cigar. I almost puked!

We all just sat there in horror and watched him rape this cigar! Somehow he managed to light that soaked thing and smoked it like he was in heaven...

I have to go shower again now...sorry to disturb your evening...

ugh!

 

[tedski]

Got some funny ... and some wierd entires here. Please note you can enter more than once if you like.

Only three more days till we vote on a winner.

 

[Prometheus]

Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one "I sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter.

"Wow!" said his friend, "Where did you get that monster?"

"I got it from my genie."

"You have a genie?" he asked.

"Yes, he's right here in my golf bag."

"Could I see him?"

He opened his golf bag and out popped the genie.

The friend turned to the genie and said, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"

"Yes I will," the genie said.

"I wish for a million bucks!"

The genie hopped back into the golf bag and left him standing there waiting for his wish to be delivered. Suddenly the sky began to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead was heard.

The friend turned to his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"

"I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"

:smokingco

 

[tobby4]

just send me the prize now....

 

[Prometheus]

We all just sat there in horror and watched him rape this cigar! Somehow he managed to light that soaked thing and smoked it like he was in heaven...

It could be worse... try this on for size.

A man went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.

"When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your asshole. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious: you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar."

"Thanks doc, I'll try it."

And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again.

"What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!"

"Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," said the patient.

"What in the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I don't smoke cigars anymore, but now I can't go to sleep at night unless I have a cigar shoved up my ass..."

 

[thebigo]

#1, whom ever entertained the idea of throwing pre-moistened kitty litter in there...shame on you. We all know that would make the humidity go up. That was not to be taken seriously. #2, does the kitty litter make it smell dusty, musty, or litterish in your humidor? I'm curious b/c if I try this I don't want to be smoking litter infused cigars. I'm not a big flavor infused cigar kind of guy.
The reason I ask is b/c when I had a cat, before I sold it to the chinese restaurant, whenever I would put new kitty litter in the tray it would smell musty and nasty and dusty.

PS-I was strapped for cash...it was the cat or a cigar. I chose the cigar.

 

[thebigo]

Anyone have a Dutch Master?