Your best newbie story...

[Eric]

Let's hear your own personal cigar newbie experiences!

Here's two of mine that coincide with one another...

My endeavor all started in mid September of 2003 at my boss' sister's remarriage reception. He asked me if I'd like to smoke a cigar with him and up until this point the only thing I smoked that even remotely resembled a cigar was swisher sweets & black and milds. We proceeded to clip the end of a domestic Montecristo - with our teeth! My boss had no cutter on him and we had to make due. He refused to use a knife offered by his brother for some odd reason that I'll probably never figure out.

So we smoked the cigar, or at least I tried to, when I got tired of it after 45 minutes or so and snubbed it out... and put it in my pocket! The next day we were going to Louisiana to go gambling in the morning and I relight the cigar and was that the most god awful disgusting mistake!

So I go on a one month cigar hiatus but who wouldn't after that? It's Thanksgiving 2003 and the only thing open is the corner store. So what do I pick up? A $5 bottle of Gallo wine along with a chocolate and strawberry Philly!

I pour myself a glass of wine and taste it - horrid! At that time I was used to drinking a half-way respectable wine; Kendall Jackson Chardonnay. I end up guzzling the nearly full bottle of Gallo down the dish drain.

Now I proceed out to the back patio with a strawberry Philly and a sharp knife prior to Thanksgiving dinner. If I recall correctly, a Philly is already punched but I sliced the head of the cigar off anyways and the wrapper starts unraveling instantly. I use my saliva to decently apply the wrapper back on and pull out a zippo lighter. I start applying the flame to the foot of the Philly (dare I say cigar?) and pandemonium strikes...

The Philly breaks clean off in the middle - nearly in two equal pieces! I can still remember the top half falling to the ground, my jaw dropping with the remaining half drooping out of my mouth like a limp stick and subsquent tears of mixed laughter and anger.

I go ahead and try lighting what half I have left and it didn't take me but less than a minute to realize that this thing was smoking worse than the snubbed-out-in-my-pocket-overnight-domestic-monte I had a month prior!

Ever since that day, I got online and started searching for cigar forums and thankful I did. Boy, have I come a long way...

P.S. The chocolate Philly is up for sale in the trading room! :rofl:

 

[smokem94]

That is hillarious and I don't think I can even come close with one of my own. The only thing that comes to mind is buying those awful Crooks (I think that's what they were) because we wanted to look like Clint Eastwood in the spaghetti westerns. :rolling:

 

[Poni]

i used to like tijuana smalls.

and the first time a saw a cedar strip on a cigar i thought you were supposed to smoke that also for added flavor.

the days of innocence (and stupidity)

 

[allanf]

Turns my stomach...I remember a box of Garcia vegas when i was 14 or 15...

 

[Wasch_24]

Never smoked cigars with tobbacco still inside the wrapper before a RyJ (NC) last July.

 

[Poni]

"with tobbacco still inside the wrapper"

...what else would be in there? :devilhead :smokingbo

 

[Wasch_24]

...what else would be in there? :devilhead :smokingbo

Pine Needles? :dunno:

 

[smokinafuente]

I'm still a newbie at hart. I've been smoking handmade cigars sense about '92. But, I still have to grab a pack of Backwoods, in the black pack, once in a wile.

 

[IHT]

not really a "newbie" story...

while on a trip to germany, i was sitting down after a kick ass steak dinner, smoking a BBF and writing a review on a notepad. i decided to purge the BBF, and didn't bite down hard enough on the end and it just kinda shot right outta my mouth and onto their nice tablecloth!!

another one, a few summers ago.
had a cigar in my mouth, and i take it out the same way every time... my son handed me something while i was holding my cigar, and for some reason, i flipped the cigar around in my fingers... when it was time to stick the cigar in my mouth, the lit end went first!! it took me about .00003 seconds to figure out i had f*cked up.

some newbie stories of newbies i've watched first hand.
a major i worked with (us army style) asked coppertop and I to pick him up some cigars on a trip in germany. we got a him a few, and the first one he tried was a partagas short after dinner (or maybe he hadn't eaten, it's been a few years). mike and I are sitting there, and we watch this guy INHALE the party short, and proceed to blow the smoke out his nose... we are like, "what the fluck are you doin... SIR?" "what?" "you're not supposed to inhale that thing, it'll knock yer dick in the dirt." he "blew us off", but roughly halfway down that cigar, he was the greenest black guy i've ever seen in my life. needless to say, he didn't finish the cigar.

2nd newbie vision:
just a few weekends ago, i had a couple newbies from CS swing by my house, i gave one of them a humidor, and coppertop and I gave them some cigars.
mike (coppertop) hands one of them his double flame Lava torch... i'm watching what's going on, and the guy "accidentally" clicks the "on" button for the torch... two blue flames are aimed right at his fingers holding the cigar.
i look at him and say, "hurt, didn't it? when flames are blue, they're normally pretty hot. i think you should point that at the cigar, not your fingers."
or something along those lines.

was pretty fun.

oh, when i was a newb, someone gave me a big ass brazilia Gol on a trip up to watertown, NY. of course i can't open my window on the 4th floor, and it's cold as hell out, so i light it up anyway. no ventilation, and halfway down, i get so sick, i had to cut the cigar in half, go take a seat on the "royal throne of wisdom" (located in the bathroom), grab the trash can, and just sat there for about 40 minutes, thinkin' things over.... y'know....
next night, lit up the other half. started off like crap, but after the first 1/4", it wasn't too bad.

 

[tobby4]

those are pretty good....

After smoking for about 3 weeks I purchased an Ashton VSG... I have no clue what it was.... but freshmen year in college i wake up one morning hung over as hell, well most likely still drunk and all i wanna do is smoke a cigar(why i will never know) anyway i wake up and grab the VSG at 9 am... no breakfast, well hell no dinner either... It took about 5-10 minutes before that VSG was out the window along with the rest of the liquor i had consumed the night before... I really do not think that i have been that sick ever....

So now i am a little biased towards VSG's hell i have not smoked one since...

 

[Bsslack]

well here goes....

I had smoked a few "stogies" at Super Bowl parties and the occaisional wedding/bachelor party, ect. Other wise, I was a non-smoker. Average 1 cigar every 10 years of adult life. (read: few) So, one day in November 02, I went to pick up cigs for my GF and I noticed that the Smoke Shop had a tiny walk in Humidor for Cigars. Being Male, I went in and it smelled Wonderful. The Cedar and Tobacco aroma is distinct, You love it or You don't. I did.

So, I bravely went out front and asked the chain smoking 19 YO girl at the counter for help.
"Which One is the Best One?" I ask......"Uh, well that One is the most expensive One We have, so it must be the Best One.(yawn)" So, still being a man I say "OK, I'll take One!" Now, even I had heard the name Dunhill, so I figured I'm safe. I asked Her "Why is it so expensive? ($19.95-gulp) She said " Because it's in it's own little tube, You don't even need a Humidor for it." Great! I say, "Ring Me up."
I'm now the Proud owner of a Dunhill Altamares Tubo! I squirrel it away and go Home, to await My Christmas Present to Myself.
FFWD two weeks. I see it in my dresser drawer and begin playing with it and checking it out.

Now You all know where this is going.

So, I'm thinking (always a dangerous thing to do.) I paid $20 bucks for this thing and I haven't even seen it yet............Sooooooooo, I pop the top and check it out. Smooth texture great smell, the required pose in the mirror. I look Cool!
Well, as cool as I can look anyway.(roll eyes) Throw the top back on it and wait for Christmas afternoon! Ok, sure I peeked in on it a few times in between.
Oh, the anticipation was terrible! But, it will be worth the wait, a $20 best in store Top of the Line Smoke, Oh Yeah!
FFWD 12-25-02 1530AST: I set down with no distractions a cold drink and orders to All to "Piss-Off!" for the next hour. Bliss would be Mine!


Of course, Bliss was not on the menu that day, not with the $20 dollar dryed out twig in my hand! Yup, it was Horrendous! But that's not All, Oh No Friends!
I decided I was going to get a refund on that twig.
Soo Solly, 40 day's is way to late for refund, no cigar! "Of course there's no cigar! It was crap! I threw it Away!" "But Sir You opened it, once You opened it it's unreturnable." Whaaat??

"I want to speak to the Manager!" Two weeks later, I hook up with the Manager and I get the same "No Tiky No Shirty" answer. We go round and round, but I ain't getting my $ back, period. He even had the Nerve to say that "I, Me!" ruined the cigar by opening it and not smoking it immediately! Can You believe The Balls on this Guy??!!

So, I'm about to flame this Guy in his own store. (I had just got off work so, I was Armed and in uniform, couldn't hurt right)

Then He does the absolute LAST thing I would have expected. He hands me a Pocket guide to cigars, book. WTF? He say's "Here, I'll Loan You this book to read, maybe it will help. Come back and see me when You've had a chance to look it over."

He clearly does not Get this "Customer Service" thing!

Well, I read the Damn book.
Crap! #^#%!@%#@%# I now realize just how big of a Tool I was.
Oooooh, that Guy was sneaky. When I went back to return the book, He was shocked. First that I returned it in the first place and then that I actually read it. We talked cigars for over an hour. I bought a couple of smokes and He threw in a couple extra and ........

..............................................Here I am.


I told You He was Sneaky!







Slack

 

[Eric]

:ROFL: Great story slack

 

[Eric]

Anyone else got any good newbie stories?

 

[jrohrer]

alright...i'll give it a shot (not that I'm not still a newbie or anything)

it's about two years ago and my girlfriends (soon to be fiance's) father asks me to play a round of golf. "I'll get the round...you get the cigars" he sais to me. "Sounds Good!" I reply. So I head over to the tinder box to get some awesome cigars to impress this man. After all, I wanna get myself into this man's good graces. I settle on a couple....macanudo hampton court tubos.....for $8.50 a piece!!!

I get to the golf course and present him with the cigar on the first tee. Being a relatively experienced cigar smoker...he responds "ooohhhh...a Macanudo! Very nice!" (Looking back, I appreciate his modesty). So we proceed with the round and about halfway through his "premium" cigar, he clips it off and sticks it in his bag. "Let's save some for the back nine" he sais. So I follow suit and do the same. Needless to say, the cigars are never touched again.

Fast forward to this current summer, two years later. I'm on the course again (the last roud of the summer coincidentally) with a buddy. I was playing horrible golf, my only saving grace was the tatuaje tainos I was enjoying. SO i step up to the tee, about a third of the way through my massive gar, and hook my drive way out of bounds into the susquehanna river. After a bout of cussing and unmentionable phrases i declare a mulligan and reach into my bag for another ball.

When I pull my hand out, there is no glf ball, but instead...you guessed it...a half-smoked, bone dry, macanudo hampton court. After about 15 minutes of ridiculous laughter, my buddy finally calms me down enough to tell him the story, I grab a ball, tee-off, and suddenly my whole round turns around.

 

[Greg]

alright...i'll give it a shot (not that I'm not still a newbie or anything)

it's about two years ago and my girlfriends (soon to be fiance's) father asks me to play a round of golf. "I'll get the round...you get the cigars" he sais to me. "Sounds Good!" I reply. So I head over to the tinder box to get some awesome cigars to impress this man. After all, I wanna get myself into this man's good graces. I settle on a couple....macanudo hampton court tubos.....for $8.50 a piece!!!

I get to the golf course and present him with the cigar on the first tee. Being a relatively experienced cigar smoker...he responds "ooohhhh...a Macanudo! Very nice!" (Looking back, I appreciate his modesty). So we proceed with the round and about halfway through his "premium" cigar, he clips it off and sticks it in his bag. "Let's save some for the back nine" he sais. So I follow suit and do the same. Needless to say, the cigars are never touched again.

Fast forward to this current summer, two years later. I'm on the course again (the last roud of the summer coincidentally) with a buddy. I was playing horrible golf, my only saving grace was the tatuaje tainos I was enjoying. SO i step up to the tee, about a third of the way through my massive gar, and hook my drive way out of bounds into the susquehanna river. After a bout of cussing and unmentionable phrases i declare a mulligan and reach into my bag for another ball.

When I pull my hand out, there is no glf ball, but instead...you guessed it...a half-smoked, bone dry, macanudo hampton court. After about 15 minutes of ridiculous laughter, my buddy finally calms me down enough to tell him the story, I grab a ball, tee-off, and suddenly my whole round turns around.

Great story Josh :rofl:

 

[Séamas]

When I was about 13, my dad caught me smoking. So, he pulls out a few big cigars, probably White Owls or King Edwards or something. He makes me smoke and inhale them, probably thinking I was going to be sick after a few puffs.

About 4 hours and two cigars later, I still wasn't sick. I was pretty well buzzed, but I wasn't going to let him know that. I asked if I could have another.

After that, he let me smoke.

I am glad he didn't give me the third cigar, though.

 

[caudio51]

First cigar was around 15 when I was using it to light fireworks with the family on the 4th of July

 

[yoink]

I started out as many do smoking those shit gas station cigars. Mine was white owls and Philly strawberry blunts. Yeah I know flavored cigar. About a week and half after I started to smoke I went on a camping trip with my best friends. So we went to the camp site with five white owls and one Philly. This was going to last us the whole trip which was only 2 and half days. The by the second day they were all gone. So what did we do we went and got five more Philly’s each. So in about 2 days I had smoked 9 cigars. I have never smoked a gas station shit stick since in fact I can’t even look at one with getting sick to my stomach. It was weird because I never got sick from all those cigar I just burned the hell out of my tong.

 

[RX2010]

Ok, mine is extra bad, this past june, on my honeymoon, our cruise stopped in Grand Cayman. I went into this one shop and bought a Siglo II and a cutter, and thought nothing of it.


About 3 months later I notice the cutter again, and realize the significance of what is written on it: La Casa Del Habano

What a n00b! I didn't even know I was in an LCDH! oh well, I'm older and wiser now, next cruise I'll probably buy a little more there, and nothing at all in cozumel (I spent a lot on 3 fakes to which I was totally oblivious). At least the cohiba was real eh?

 

[caudio51]

At least is was legit!