A question for BOTL's with young children

[AdamC]

Greetings all,

I've really taken a passion to this hobby over the past year and a half or so. I'm mostly a reader on the forum but have a deep appreciation for the sincerity and brotherhood here, browse it frequently and feel like I know some of its contributors though my contribution and interaction has been minimal. I've been pondering cigars and how this hobby, along with an enjoyment of scotch and beer, that bring me much relaxation and joy fit in with my family life going forward and think many of you have probably had the same thoughts at some time. I'm very interested to hear your take on family life and cigars. I am blessed with a great career and solid financial footing, loving wife (that understands and accepts my love for cigars but would prefer I didn't indulge) and a beautiful and healthy 6 month old daughter; we hope to have another child within the next few years.

That being said, I'm at a crossroads with my coolidor and humidors full and contemplating an Aristocrat or Avallo temperature and humidity controlled end table cabinet to store boxes of cigars for aging. I wonder if when I have inquisitive young ones running around whether I should be smoking cigars and drinking at all or at least the few times a week as I am now. I'm a firm believer that cigars, or anything within reason, enjoyed responsibly is a personal decision reserved for adults but don't want to send the wrong message to my children and increase the likelihood of them smoking cigarettes or irresponsibly indulging in risky behavior as a result of my hobbies.

Sorry for the ramble and deep thoughts (Jack Handy anybody?) but I would like to hear the thoughts of fellow botl's.

Happy smoking!!

Adam

 

[Jfire]

Personally I'd say you sound like a very well rounded gent. Seems to me that you'll have no problem teaching your children right from wrong and the personal responsibilites/choices that life in general brings with it. Now the neighbors kids that are a bad influence are another story. Still have Ole Chris S. my childhood next store neighbor growing up to thank for introducing me to Weed, Jim Beam and a few good nights in my teens. Thankfully I outgrew the weed........

 

[mistaforty]

Your post hit home for me as we are almost in identical boats all the way down to our s/o's position and opinion of our smoking. My kids are a bit older (10 and 14) I thought about this for more than a few minutes and have had my youngest say things like why do you smoke cigars and telling him I just enjoy it and its relaxing (he says he never will). Also health wise the only time I smoke "around" them is in the back yard outside ...I don't smoke in the house at all and of course they don't come to the bar. I believe if you impart your opinions to your children they will grow up and exercise that for the most part. Child of the 70s... lets just say I witnessed a lot of weed smoking. It never made me want to.do it. Is that why I smoke cigars? I don't think so but moderation is the key. And if your children understand that and that is their personality that's how they will live. You can only impart it to them. People come from strict homes and become drug addicts so your actions don't always dictate or let's say predictably dictate the paths your children will walk.

 

[Griz]

I TOTALLY understand every aspect of your post and agree with your concerns, but nothing can replace good upbringing and it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on that. But, I am one that likes to twist things a bit, so look at this thought; say in 25 years or so, would you appreciate a relaxing evening with your adult son sitting in the back yard with a glass of your choosing and both of you enjoying a good cigar while he is asking you your thoughts on him enjoying a cigar, while raising your grandson......
I do things with my adult son similar to this and it is just 2 men sitting around shooting the bull and enjoying life while solving all of the worlds problems. Oh, nd my son never grew up to smoke,

 

[RacFocus]

I have a 6 year old and a 9 month old. So far I do not smoke in front of them. I wait til after they go to bed to indulge. My son has asked what the cigars are, but I do not think he is old enough to understand yet. It will be a conversation for another day I guess.

 

[Grrrrr609]

My daughter is now 11. Since she was probably 6 she has given me heck for smoking them. Apparently they are now taught in school that smoking is evil. So i let her cut my cigars. I hold the cigar she holds the cutter. I get less grief when she cuts.



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[StogieNinja]

All rhings in moderation.

I think it's important for kids to see their parents responsibly partake. Alcohol, like guns, isn't inherently evil, abuse is. Teach then to use their self control, not to ban things that have a useful purpose.

My kids a 5, 4, and 9 months. I have zero concern about then seeing daddy smoke a cigar or drink a dram of scotch. I only indulge once or twice a week, so they'll grow up familiar with the pleasures, but knowing that daddy controls them, they don't control daddy. (As an aside, this would be the difference between alcohol and drugs: alcohol can be enjoyed with the user in control, whereas drugs by design are meant to cause the user to lose control. The user is getting high so as not to be in control.) We live in an increasingly nanny-like state, where our government wants to fix problems by banning things that are not inherently harmful, as if that would prevent their use and abuse. Clearly (see prohibition) that doesn't work.

What needs to happen is for fathers to teach their children discipline, responsibility, self control, self denial, and the difference between proper use and abuse. It sounds like you're a thoughtful guy, and that you are being thoughtful in your parenting. I've no doubt you'll instill these important qualities in your children, and if you do that, they'll have a right understanding of daddy's enjoyment of daddy's cigars from the beginning, as wil be much better off for it.

 

[Stillinger]

Interesting dilemma and thoughts. I don't have a family, just me, and I'm a bit younger, so I don't have these issues, but one day, I might. I will cross that bridge when I get there, but at some point, I do know it would cut down on cigars and the investment. Family first. My dad used to smoke like a chimney until I was born and quit cold turkey. I don't know that I will quit altogether, but it might become a rare occasion.

 

[AdamJoshua]

Respect for even caring enough to ask, I don't see the harm in it, it's different than cigarettes (I smoked for 30 years and finally quit), it's a once a day thing etc., and even better if you're only smoking outside, I wouldn't smoke them inside with children in the house, little lungs inhaling a lot of second hand smoke isn't a good thing. I hate the 2nd hand smoke argument, but when there are children involved, specially young ones I can see the point, their lungs aren't as developed and that makes it even worse on them.

As they say, smoke in good health brother.

 

[Alwayslit]

There are some very good thoughts on this thread. Thanks for sharing.

 

[AdamC]

I appreciate the responses. I don't smoke in the house and wouldn't expose my children to a place where there is smoking inside. I strongly agree with teaching and practicing moderation when it comes to alcohol and cigars.

When I was growing up my family completely stopped drinking around me and didn't have any alcohol in the house. They didn't really teach me about moderation and judgement as it pertains to drinking and after being exposed to alcohol in my youth I exercised poor judgment and reckless behavior for a few years before reprioritizing my life.

We will definitely provide a strong foundation of values and morals for our children. I think it will be important to talk openly with our children about alcohol, tobacco, drugs and sex with the hope that when they become exposed to those things they will make sound decisions.

Thanks again for the thoughtful responses, it has helped solidify my thinking on the matter.

 

[Stillinger]

I also think that as long as you're having these types of thoughts, you will make it through more than alright. Your mind is obviously in the right place it should be.

 

[SSimp]

All very good advice gents. I could add to it but would only be repeating what has already been said. Kudos.

 

[SmokinNukie]

My wife quit drinking cold turkey with the first daughter. Her mother was an alcoholic as she was a child. My parents never drank. I continued until my daughter was about 5 and then she started asking questions, etc. A friend at school had an uncle that was an alcoholic and it became heavy on her heart...so I quit drinking for her. That was 12 years ago. I knew that someday we would have a discussion about alcohol and I would not regret that decision. I still don't today.

I started smoking cigars about 5 years ago. My wife and daughters know that I smoke them but I have never smoked around them...I usually just wait until they go to bed. We have discussed cigars and how you don't inhale and how it is so much a fellowship and not just a vice. I believe that as well. They understand. I imagine that someday my daughters and their husbands will all enjoy a cigar with me. I am not sure about my wife though. But that's ok, she's the love of my life and I can accept that.

 

[RevSmoke]

I will echo some of the sentiments here. My children are18 & 16. They have seen me indulge in the occasional cigar and adult beverage. They have seen the responsible use of both alcohol and tobacco. I put away a few cigars when they were born so that we could share them when they were old enough. My 18 year old had his first cigar a week after his 18th birthday while we were up at deer camp in November. He's had 2 others since then when we were fishing. I have told him that if he wants one to let me know and I will help him pick one out. He said, "Dad, I think that is something that I want to share with you for the time being. Once I am in college, if I have some buddies who do, that may change. But for now it is 'our' thing."

Everything in moderation.

Peace of the Lord be with you.

 

[daniyal]

Adam, I hate smoking or drinking in front of my kids even though the eldest is about to turn 3 so my solution is to wait for their bed time before lighting up or popping open that bottle.

 

[E.J.]

Personally I'd say you sound like a very well rounded gent. Seems to me that you'll have no problem teaching your children right from wrong and the personal responsibilites/choices that life in general brings with it.

This is my thinking....^^^

 

[SurpriseMVP]

Personally I'd say you sound like a very well rounded gent. Seems to me that you'll have no problem teaching your children right from wrong and the personal responsibilites/choices that life in general brings with it. Now the neighbors kids that are a bad influence are another story. Still have Ole Chris S. my childhood next store neighbor growing up to thank for introducing me to Weed, Jim Beam and a few good nights in my teens. Thankfully I outgrew the weed........

Justin hit it on the head. My girls are 17 and 9. Both are better kids than I ever was. Looking back on when I was 17 I wonder how I made it as far as I have today. It's the values you teach your children. Neither of my parents ever drank or smoked. My wife and I drink and like you she tolerates my smoking. I am always aware of which way the wind blows and don't want anyone bothered by my smoking. If we head out to a family function where I know I'll smoke, I bring a small cooler, change of shirt, and body spray. The smokey shirt gets put in the cooler so the family doesn't have to smell me the entire trip home. The only cigar my wife doesn't mind is the Cohiba Siglo so that's what I smoke when we golf together. If you instill good core values with your kids and loosen up the reigns hopefully they turn out fine.

 

[air2desk]

I tell my kids "if seeing me smoke a cigar is the worst thing that happens to you, you will be doing really well!" I make sure the nanny mothers hovering around hear this.

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[Jaricon]

To me its the act of enjoying something you choose to enjoy (in moderation) while respecting the likes and dislikes of others directly around you that your children will learn the value of not the actual thing your doing.. if that makes sense