A question for BOTL's with young children

[TraderCigarCo.]

What needs to happen is for fathers to teach their children discipline, responsibility, self control, self denial, and the difference between proper use and abuse.

Just poking through the archives, but this is an excellent point. I hope to achieve this with my children. I only have one 2 yo son right now, but the wife and I are looking at adding another in the very near future. I have thought about this a lot in the past 3 months or so after getting back into the hobby.

I'd like to see this thread reignited and what the thoughts are on this subject now.

 

[Sirspanksalot]

Yall seem like good father's. My dad and it her family members never hesitated to give me some beers or a cigarette when I was younger. I wasn't even in my teens and remember having alcohol.

 

[juggy4805]

I can drink around my kids but I only smoke outside alone. I just don't want them to smell the smoke. I honestly don't know if having parents that smoke will make you more likely to smoke. My parents never smoked or drank alcohol at all and I do both(only cigars). My wife's parents smokes cigarettes and she detests the smoking of anything.

 

[StogieNinja]

I now have five kids, the oldest is 7 and the youngest (twins) are 17mo. My thoughts haven't changed.

One time, my son, who is now 6, asked me "Daddy, why do you have to smoke?" It opened up a great conversation about how it's not something I have to do, it's something I get to do, and if I ever have to do it, it's time to stop because I'm out of control. We talked about eating candy, and how too much makes you sick, or can cause health problems. We talked about how God gives us good things to enjoy, and how as long as it's enjoyed with moderation they're blessings, but it becomes a curse if it's an addiction.

Having children is also a good check. Children require me to constantly think outside of myself, which gives me perspective. Should I spend $200 on a box of cigars, but get cranky when the wife wants to buy $70 worth of yarn, or take the kids out to dinner? Of course not. And the solution isn't to do it all and go into debt, it's to curtail my own spending for the benefit of my family. I also know that I never want my son to see me addicted to smoking, so that helps ensure that my enjoyment of cigars is moderate, a few times a week, and not more.

 

[oside]

First time I smoked near my son was at the BOTL Beach Herf last Saturday. I was hesitant to bring him, but there was plenty of air circulating out there. It is at a beach after all! I don't plan to hide my enjoyment of alcohol and tobacco around him but I save most of my cigar enjoyment time after he goes to bed at night or right after he goes to daycare. I just prefer not to so I can spend more quality playing with him. For the most, part I enjoy in moderation and hope he follows by example (if he even chooses to partake in the future at all). Oh and my wife supports my vices.

 

[The Munt]

I get where your coming from mate. Have a young son myself and a daughter on the way and while i know i will be able to have the right conversations, you cant help but wonder if your actions will rub off on them or at the very least make it easier for your kids to make the choice to smoke.
You'll know your kids better than I, but i would think reducing the exposure to it could be a positive. In saying that though i would not be devestated if they saw you, or go to the ends of the earth to hide it.
I know some of the old school guys like my gradfather would smoke in their office and it was a no kids allowed area. While i dont think this is necessary, i don't think they should be in a position where they can breathe second hand smoke either.
A bit of discretion at your discretion I suppose.
Oh and nice to meet you mate.

 

[StogieNinja]

I don't plan to hide my enjoyment of alcohol and tobacco around him but I save most of my cigar enjoyment time after he goes to bed at night or right after he goes to daycare. I just prefer not to so I can spend more quality playing with him. For the most, part I enjoy in moderation and hope he follows by example (if he even chooses to partake in the future at all). Oh and my wife supports my vices.

All of this. No hiding it, no compromising family time, set an example. Love it.

 

[sofc]

I smoke in front of the kids all the time, (14,8,10)

I get the smoking is wrong at times but that's the school system and they're probably right. I explain that I don't have to but I enjoy it and in moderation, it is okay. I still don't know what I would say if at 18 or 20 they wanted to smoke also.

 

[broadleaf]

Schools and movies often portray cigars as bad, but when it comes to smoking them around your family i would say your fine. Your kids are going to become the people that they are going to become. My parents are non-smokers and non-drinkers, and they got a young adult that loves cigars and sctotch and congac. My great grandpa on one side of the family had a vineyard and made brandy. The other side of the family has a few cigars smokers. And i ended up with both vices, they are passions to me but it was not what my parents were expecting. Them not including me in the introduction to such hobbies may have been what caused my interest to begin with, but who knows. Enjoy your cigars and she might grow up completely anti-smoking but that will be her choice when the time comes.

 

[StogieNinja]

Schools and movies often portray cigars as bad

Movies always seem to portray cigar smoking as "bad-ass." Tony Soprano or Scarface or whatever. Schools teach that all tobacco is evil, evil, evil. (Heath is the new god, but that's a different topic.)

Anyway, point is, neither is right. Tobacco isn't evil, addiction and abuse is. Cigars don't make the man, the man makes the man. I want to teach my kids to think rationally and logically, not follow whatever they're being told... by either side.

I still don't know what I would say if at 18 or 20 they wanted to smoke also.

Same thing I'm going to tell my kids about alcohol. Have a sip, savor it. It's a gift, enjoy it. All things in moderation.

I personally can't wait to light up a cigar with my son. Over the past couple years a few of my brothers-in-law have turned 18 (three of the six are now of legal age to smoke) and we've had a lot of fun sitting on the porch at my father-in-law's house of a Sunday afternoon, after enjoying morning worship and a family dinner, smoking our pipes and having all sorts of great conversation. It's been a lot of fun, and I can't wait for the other three to be able to smoke with us. It's a great avenue for us all to just sit around and talk, which a lot of people, especially young people, just don't do with older folks anymore.

 

[The Munt]

Each to there own! I definitely agree that you shouldn't compromise family time for cigar time.

I stand by my statement though, kids shouldn't breathe second hand smoke because we decide to enjoy it.

Not in any way disagreeing with doing it in front of your kids, so long as its a well ventilated area and they are not sitting on your lap. Just one mans opinion though not right or wrong.

 

[The Munt]

Just reading that back I'm probably getting dangerously close to stepping on toes, text messages are hard to convey and I in no way intended to condemn anyone with that last statement. Just a heads up I truly do mean "each to their own".

 

[oside]

I stand by my statement though, kids shouldn't breathe second hand smoke because we decide to enjoy it.

I agree with this. As an example, to add to this discussion, before we attended the Beach Herf I asked how thick the smoke situation was, and a couple brothers chimed in and said that it wouldn't be an issue in the area. Still, I had a secondary plan to move my family upwind a bit if I didn't think so. It turned out I never had to move them.

 

[sofc]

Just to clarify. I don't smoke around the kids in a crowded room.

I was speaking of when I go to play baseball with them or we're hanging out outside in the backyard.

 

[Pooh Bore]

Now that we have our own home and not a rented I can smoke indoors if I want to but I don't. If my kids are around and I'm smoking, it will always be outside. I don't agree with smoking in an enclosed space with the kids.

 

[Benjamin]

I have two small children (8 and 5) and I've smoked around them a handful of times, and always outside. To be honest, it's a hobby I enjoy mostly when they are in bed and I am alone, or out at a cigar bar or lounge with a friend so their exposure is minimal by nature. That said, they've seen my cigars and have asked me about it and even tell me it's gross. I don't make a big deal out of it, but I have used it at times as an opportunity to talk to them about it to make they understand the difference between abuse/addiction and just enjoyment. Same with drinking, which is something I do more often around them (wine at dinner, etc) but again, it's never made out to be a big deal. I think the more you make something a big deal or call attention to it, the worse it can be. If you don't make a big deal out of it - and do these things only in moderation - they won't make a big deal out of it.

 

[Mikenice81]

Greetings all,

I've really taken a passion to this hobby over the past year and a half or so. I'm mostly a reader on the forum but have a deep appreciation for the sincerity and brotherhood here, browse it frequently and feel like I know some of its contributors though my contribution and interaction has been minimal. I've been pondering cigars and how this hobby, along with an enjoyment of scotch and beer, that bring me much relaxation and joy fit in with my family life going forward and think many of you have probably had the same thoughts at some time. I'm very interested to hear your take on family life and cigars. I am blessed with a great career and solid financial footing, loving wife (that understands and accepts my love for cigars but would prefer I didn't indulge) and a beautiful and healthy 6 month old daughter; we hope to have another child within the next few years.

That being said, I'm at a crossroads with my coolidor and humidors full and contemplating an Aristocrat or Avallo temperature and humidity controlled end table cabinet to store boxes of cigars for aging. I wonder if when I have inquisitive young ones running around whether I should be smoking cigars and drinking at all or at least the few times a week as I am now. I'm a firm believer that cigars, or anything within reason, enjoyed responsibly is a personal decision reserved for adults but don't want to send the wrong message to my children and increase the likelihood of them smoking cigarettes or irresponsibly indulging in risky behavior as a result of my hobbies.

Sorry for the ramble and deep thoughts (Jack Handy anybody?) but I would like to hear the thoughts of fellow botl's.

Happy smoking!!

Adam

My wife's uncle drinks a beer or two with dinner every night. Her cousin graduated college a year early and is set to finish Vet school ahead of time. She was first chair in the high school band, she was a varsity volleyball player, and she graduated in the top five-percent in her class of 420 students.

She has never smoked a cigarette, she has never indulged in drugs, and she has never been in trouble with the law. She does drink a margarita every time she eats out. Provide the right example and don't make it a taboo.

 

[ToastedFoot]

Greetings all,

I've really taken a passion to this hobby over the past year and a half or so. I'm mostly a reader on the forum but have a deep appreciation for the sincerity and brotherhood here, browse it frequently and feel like I know some of its contributors though my contribution and interaction has been minimal. I've been pondering cigars and how this hobby, along with an enjoyment of scotch and beer, that bring me much relaxation and joy fit in with my family life going forward and think many of you have probably had the same thoughts at some time. I'm very interested to hear your take on family life and cigars. I am blessed with a great career and solid financial footing, loving wife (that understands and accepts my love for cigars but would prefer I didn't indulge) and a beautiful and healthy 6 month old daughter; we hope to have another child within the next few years.

That being said, I'm at a crossroads with my coolidor and humidors full and contemplating an Aristocrat or Avallo temperature and humidity controlled end table cabinet to store boxes of cigars for aging. I wonder if when I have inquisitive young ones running around whether I should be smoking cigars and drinking at all or at least the few times a week as I am now. I'm a firm believer that cigars, or anything within reason, enjoyed responsibly is a personal decision reserved for adults but don't want to send the wrong message to my children and increase the likelihood of them smoking cigarettes or irresponsibly indulging in risky behavior as a result of my hobbies.

Sorry for the ramble and deep thoughts (Jack Handy anybody?) but I would like to hear the thoughts of fellow botl's.

Happy smoking!!

Adam

I have an 8 year old boy (soon to be 9). I also have a 11 year old daughter (soon to be 12). I found it is best not to hide your passions or things you like to do. Especially if you do them within reason and responsibly. My son asked me about my cigars h and I simply told him its something you do when you become an adult and decide it is something you like. Honesty and transparency with my children I found to be the best for them and me. They respect me as a Father and they look up to me. They do not look up to me because I smoke a cigar or drink a beer. They respect the honesty I give them. I explain to them that certain things are not for children because they are still growing and need to wait. I tell them that when they are old enough to decide to try some of the things I do in life that it is their choice. When parents try to hide things that is what makes a child want to do it more. They know I do not smoke cigars to be cool I do it for the flavor and I enjoy them. Honesty honesty honesty. Besides if you quit your passion and become an uptight prick that might make other things worse in your whole family dynamics. In this day and age you have to have a little something to unwind. Be responsible.

 

[Gjoconnell]

No kids for me and the wife yet but the wife did breach this very topic a couple times recently. She said once she gets pregnant the cigars have to go. Given how understanding she is with my many hobbies (guns, scotch, beer, and etc.) it is the least I can do to respect her wishes.

I may be able to keep a couple for special occasions but I am sure the days of a cooler that can fit a small person being filled with cigars and the countless smaller humis will have to go....well maybe the cooler for cigar storage.

 

[Zigarro]

Sorry for the ramble and deep thoughts (Jack Handy anybody?) but I would like to hear the thoughts of fellow botl's.
Adam

I wanted to reply before I read the many responses; NEVER allow this, or any pastime to come twixt you and them you love! Secondly, never smoke cigars in a closed environment with children present! I've carried the guilt of my daughter's asthma ever since she travelled with me in my smoke-filled Freightliner as a 4 yr. old. Other'n that, smoke em up! (There's far worse things you, as a parent, might be doing!)