I love this topic. Kudos to the O.P. @Dran for posting up. The more I'm aware of and willing to face my character defects, the sooner I can get on with the business of doing something about them.
Before getting some heavy-duty help for it, I was *CONSUMED* by anger. I too was a copper (20 years ago) and was always screaming people down. By and large, most people I interacted with just wanted their side of the story to be heard. But I would just yell right back at them like a petulant toddler. Needless to say, I had several substantiated citizen complaints. Later on, when I worked in the airline industry, I got suspended for almost putting someone through a wall. I couldn't understand for the life of me why I always felt so full of conflict and angst. "If only people would do what I 'effing asked them to do and I got my way, I wouldn't NEED so many resentments; I wouldn't have to smash holes in the wall, or ruin doorframes, or punch people!" Such was my insanity. My expectations of others were WAY out of whack and my rage found its way into literally every aspect of my life. Like brake-checking people in traffic (or worse, getting out of the car and drilling them in the face ). I could have killed someone, or been killed myself. I used to berate my poor kid like it was my job. And I resented my wife anytime she took me to task for something. Before I got help, I made her feel like she was "an inch high" for 23 years. Those were painful words to hear.
I was the textbook "egomaniac with an inferiority complex." I was totally unaware how terrified I was of EVERYTHING: afraid of how others perceived me, afraid of others taking advantage of me, afraid of losing face, afraid of losing something I had, afraid of not getting something I wanted, ad infinitum. And so I overcompensated for that fear by lashing out at other people. Or strutting around like a self-important peacock (see also: DOUCHE).
The spiritual program I'm trying to practice focuses on ego-reduction. Turns out, my fears are almost always unsubstantiated. I've learned how to interact with people without going postal ("life on life's terms"). At the end of the day, how right do I want to be -- divorced right? Without a friend in the world right? In jail right?
When conflict arises and someone is mistreating me, if I resent that individual or ruminate over the situation -- something is wrong with ME! That's because I'm allowing someone else to rent space in my head. My perception is everything; it becomes my reality. Even if I'm 100% RIGHT in a particular situation, I am responsible for how I respond. So unless I'm being physically assaulted, hostile action towards others has no place in my world any more. It's not a luxury I can afford.
Sorry for the lengthy soliloquy. But that's what's working for me. Thanks again for the topic brother.
My favorite thing to reflect on from that time in my life is when someone would poke the bear.... Here's a 250 lb guy with "asshole" as his baseline additude, and people would evoke my anger intentionally, and then act completely surprised when im nose to nose with them.... Not that I'm proud about that by any means.... But you get what you clearly wanted, then want to play the victim? Get outta here. I actually got out of a write up once by using that argument...