First off, let me say that this probably won't be complete for a few days. I'm sure I will come back to edit this multiple times.
I wanted to take the time to say "Thank you" to everyone here. For everything. Your vast array of information has kept my mind busy, your humor has kept me laughing, and your general camaraderie has truly touched me.
The past 3 weeks or so have been hell. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Back in high school, I battled with depression for a couple years. Eventually I won that fight, and my life moved on into a great direction. About a month ago, my long time girlfriend left me unexpectedly. Out of the blue. Totally blindsided. You get the picture. This rocked my world in ways I couldn't have imagined before it happening. I was immediately brought back to the dark depths of depression. Cold. Numb. I stopped eating, I stopped sleeping. My grades dropped (lots of tests and papers in the past month). I began to drink heavily, and even started smoking cigarettes - not because I like cigs, but the nicotine felt good and in a twisted way, I liked the idea of inhaling poison.
I began to seek out help. I talked to family, friends, professors, and many other people. They were all helpful, but not to an extent that I needed. What I needed was closure. I needed the answers to the questions that have been racking my brain for 3 weeks now. Today... I finally found those answers. I still have a long road of recovery ahead of me, in terms of getting back to 100%. To being COMPLETELY over this. But, today was a HUGE step for me. And I couldn't have done it without you all. Everybody who helped me... I am so grateful for. My family, friends, everybody. Even strangers here on BOTL. Your ability to keep my mind busy, to keep me laughing, to keep me going is how I was able to eventually do what I needed to... to start living again.
So thank you, gentlemen, thank you.
Update 12/7/11:
Well, the past few days have been rocky. I've hit a metaphorical speedbump, and keep dwelling on the past. I've started to develop this fear of abandonment in a way. The idea that future relationships might be even more difficult because of this past one bothers me. I began to freak myself out about people forgetting me or abandoning me. Not the most rational thought process, but it happened. Today was beyond helpful. I'm still in a little rut, but I will get past it. Today was just the morale booster I needed. I woke up to a voicemail from my best friend (clearly intoxicated) just having an emotional rant about how I'm always there for him and how much it means to him... things like that. Then, a friend I haven't heard from in a long time contacted me out of the blue just to chat, and asked to start hanging out again. Later, got an email from my friend over in Afghanistan just checking up on me - wondering how things were going. And finally, I went to check on my humis today - and saw the bomb Speedbump (Derek) hit me with last week... and it brought a huge smile to my face. It's funny how life works. The fact that it all happened on the same day, at this particular time is amazing in itself. But, I'm also marveled by technology... the sense of friendship felt through such means. I never would have thought some of the best connections in my life would come through my cell phone or laptop. Once again, thank you to all of you. The sense of camaraderie here means a lot to me, as I'm sure it does to many others here.
Update 12/28/11:
Gentlemen, we made it. I won't say "I made it" because I certainly did not do it alone. Today I found out I made the Deans List for this semester. Apparently we rallied well enough to not let that couple weeks of screwing up hurt my grades too much. Thanks guys! :thumbsup:
I wanted to take the time to say "Thank you" to everyone here. For everything. Your vast array of information has kept my mind busy, your humor has kept me laughing, and your general camaraderie has truly touched me.
The past 3 weeks or so have been hell. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Back in high school, I battled with depression for a couple years. Eventually I won that fight, and my life moved on into a great direction. About a month ago, my long time girlfriend left me unexpectedly. Out of the blue. Totally blindsided. You get the picture. This rocked my world in ways I couldn't have imagined before it happening. I was immediately brought back to the dark depths of depression. Cold. Numb. I stopped eating, I stopped sleeping. My grades dropped (lots of tests and papers in the past month). I began to drink heavily, and even started smoking cigarettes - not because I like cigs, but the nicotine felt good and in a twisted way, I liked the idea of inhaling poison.
I began to seek out help. I talked to family, friends, professors, and many other people. They were all helpful, but not to an extent that I needed. What I needed was closure. I needed the answers to the questions that have been racking my brain for 3 weeks now. Today... I finally found those answers. I still have a long road of recovery ahead of me, in terms of getting back to 100%. To being COMPLETELY over this. But, today was a HUGE step for me. And I couldn't have done it without you all. Everybody who helped me... I am so grateful for. My family, friends, everybody. Even strangers here on BOTL. Your ability to keep my mind busy, to keep me laughing, to keep me going is how I was able to eventually do what I needed to... to start living again.
So thank you, gentlemen, thank you.
Update 12/7/11:
Well, the past few days have been rocky. I've hit a metaphorical speedbump, and keep dwelling on the past. I've started to develop this fear of abandonment in a way. The idea that future relationships might be even more difficult because of this past one bothers me. I began to freak myself out about people forgetting me or abandoning me. Not the most rational thought process, but it happened. Today was beyond helpful. I'm still in a little rut, but I will get past it. Today was just the morale booster I needed. I woke up to a voicemail from my best friend (clearly intoxicated) just having an emotional rant about how I'm always there for him and how much it means to him... things like that. Then, a friend I haven't heard from in a long time contacted me out of the blue just to chat, and asked to start hanging out again. Later, got an email from my friend over in Afghanistan just checking up on me - wondering how things were going. And finally, I went to check on my humis today - and saw the bomb Speedbump (Derek) hit me with last week... and it brought a huge smile to my face. It's funny how life works. The fact that it all happened on the same day, at this particular time is amazing in itself. But, I'm also marveled by technology... the sense of friendship felt through such means. I never would have thought some of the best connections in my life would come through my cell phone or laptop. Once again, thank you to all of you. The sense of camaraderie here means a lot to me, as I'm sure it does to many others here.
Update 12/28/11:
Gentlemen, we made it. I won't say "I made it" because I certainly did not do it alone. Today I found out I made the Deans List for this semester. Apparently we rallied well enough to not let that couple weeks of screwing up hurt my grades too much. Thanks guys! :thumbsup:
Last edited:
eace:
