Wife/GF VS. Smoking

[terrantheman]

Donk:

After a long, miserable marriage and a couple of subsequent girlfriends, I learned a valuable lesson that you need to impart to your current g/f. There are no rules that apply to every relationship out there. For every supposed rule you can cite (don't cheat on your spouse), I can find you a couple who thinks the rule is stupid (hey, honey, how about a threesome tonight?) Fact is, whether you SHOULD smoke cigars and pipes is not the issue. The point is that you DO. The issue, then, is whether she is willing to tolerate your smoking, without nagging about it. Either she is or she isn't. If she is, great. If she isn't, then she needs to find a guy who meets her criteria, cause it ain't you.

Women marry men hoping they will change, and they never do; men marry women, hoping they won't change, and they always do.

Before I got re-married, my wife and I sat down to go over our mutual expectations. Me: I officiate basketball, so I'll be gone a good bit in the winter months. Her: Great, I like time alone. Me: I smoke cigars, and I'm not going to quit. Her: I love the smell of a good cigar. Please just smoke outside until we get your mancave finished.

Young people think it's enough to just be in love. Those of us who have been there know that it takes a lot more than that.

I can't agree more! Well spoken. Kelly I've been married almost 11yrs and I love my wife, PERIOD! She thinks it's great that I smoke cigars and can have MAN TIME! Funny story we were taking a walk at the local forest preserve and I was totally enjoying an AF BTL while walking with the wife and kids and some good friends with there kids. In the other direction another family was walking towards us. This snotty little girl who you could tell was going to open her shitty little mouth and spew shit, did! She said as soon as they walked by us because she was a cowardly lit cuss "cigar smoking is GROSS!" My wife before I could say anything pipes up and say so are little snotty brats that have nothing nice to say!... No shit! That's my girl! All I can say is that you draw the line and say this is how I relax and enjoy my friendships and I LOVE cigars... If she still wants to change you then you need to seriously consider other options.

 

[terrantheman]

If she hates smoking there is really no real answer. Live with it or decide your priorities. My wife accepts it, accepts my purchases and my time with the guys. I know she doent like it but finds it far superior to my scotch years.

Chuck, I hear ya bro but I still love the scotch baby:drool:

 

[njstone]

My wife hates it, but tolerates it as long as I keep it away from her completely--my cigars are put away where she doesn't run into them, I smoke when she's not home (usually), and I clean up very well afterward. Things go smoothly most of the time.

But if my breath smells like a cigar or something, she gets all annoyed and what not, unless she knows I had a bad day--in such cases she usually doesn't say anything unless I don't go wash up right away.

 

[smokinghole]

I am of the club where the woman doesn't like it but seems to accept it. Hell she even contributes sometimes. I had the conversation with her before we got married and it basically came down to "I'm not changing, can you deal with it?"

I know she might seem like the the one, or maybe just the one for now, but there are a lot of women out there. There's no need to go changing something you enjoy and like just because a woman wants you to. In the end though it all depends on how much you value the relationship. On the flip side though if you are considering giving it up because you love her that much she shouldn't be so damn selfish by nagging you to give it up. Tell her to just love you for who you are and what you do. Watch out for the tactic "so you mean to tell me you define yourself by something superficial like smoking cigars?". My wife tried that one before we got married. The tactic was quickly kicked in the gonads!

Women all seem to operate like our government. They peck and peck until poof something is gone. All while using tactics like "its for the children" or "its for your own safety/well being".

 

[pfm721]

Ok, being married only 8 months take this for what you will. I dated my wife on and off for 6 years. At the end of the day I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her as she was, faults and all. However, I wasn't willing to change just so that she would want to be with me. We sat down had a conversation that from my end went something like this. "I want to be with you just the way you are. Are there things that you do that I don't like? Yes, sometimes. However I would rather have you in my life the way you are then not have you in my life so I accept you. If you feel the same way about me great and we can move forward. However I am not going to change who I am so you can take me as is and deal with the things you may not like or this isn't going to work." She agreed and we've never looked back.

Point is at the end of the day you have to be able to accept each other without nagging each other about the stuff that you don't like, and you have to be able to work on the little things that you can fix. If she's not willing to accept your hobby (which for me is an integral part of who I am) and not nag you about it then you have the choice. If she can't live with it, then you have to decide which one you can't live without.

 

[stogies&hoagies]

There are plenty of girls out there who would be glad to have a boyfriend if his only weakness were he enjoys cigars.
Life's too short to be nagged about something that gives you pleasure.

 

[dpricenator]

my granddad, in all of his infinete wisdom, told me once when I was bummed about a girl. "Every girl you ever meet or like is going to do something that bothers you. And they will find something about you that bothers them. The trick is finding a girl that can put up with you faults and one who's faults you can deal with. " It took me a while, but i decided he was right on day and asked my wife to marry me. There are some things I do that irk her to no end, and visa versa. If she can't deal, then it's time for her to find someone she can handle.

 

[Hardcore]

I'm very lucky my girl doesn't mind that I smoke. She likes that I enjoy it as a hobby. As long as it doesn't interfere with me & her spending our time together she is cool with it.

 

[Saully]

my granddad, in all of his infinete wisdom, told me once when I was bummed about a girl. "Every girl you ever meet or like is going to do something that bothers you. And they will find something about you that bothers them. The trick is finding a girl that can put up with you faults and one who's faults you can deal with. " It took me a while, but i decided he was right on day and asked my wife to marry me. There are some things I do that irk her to no end, and visa versa. If she can't deal, then it's time for her to find someone she can handle.

Your grandad was a wise man.

 

[Wagz]

The subject is just not up for discussion. Well, beyond how I might try to limit the "stinky cigar" odor that occasionally migrates from my smoking spot to the rest of the house. :chat:

 

[oneaday]

If she hates smoking there is really no real answer. Live with it or decide your priorities. My wife accepts it, accepts my purchases and my time with the guys. I know she doent like it but finds it far superior to my scotch years.

My wife has never been bothered by my cigar and pipe smoking. In fact she thinks they smell good. On the odd occasion that she mentions something like you cant be buying more cigars, you don't have any room in the cabinet now. I look up at her and with an evil little grin and say
Baby, do you remember Bourbon?
Almost immediately, without fail, she looks in the humi and says I think you can fit a few more boxes in the top right hand corner.

 

[Greg]

My wife has never been bothered by my cigar and pipe smoking. In fact she thinks they smell good. On the odd occasion that she mentions something like you cant be buying more cigars, you don't have any room in the cabinet now. I look up at her and with an evil little grin and say
Baby, do you remember Bourbon?
Almost immediately, without fail, she looks in the humi and says I think you can fit a few more boxes in the top right hand corner.

Smart lady :ccowboy:

They always are smarter than us though, right?

 

[MrRockabilly]

Easy solution, get her to smoke with you. Start nagging her about smoking with you. Tell her you feel it could be a bonding moment, if she were to take interest in one of your hobbies.

I am lucky my gal smokes stogies with me. She doesnt get the same enjoyment out of it, but she'll take a few puffs.

Agreed. This is probably your best route . . . I buy my girl the flavored garbage, and she has her own 20 count humi all to herself. You'd be surprised how easily amused they are when it reads 70rh, or when she has to "water" her cigars.:ccool:

 

[tubaman]

My wife does not like my cigar smoking. However, she doesn't say a word to me about it. In fact, she wants me to build a man cave with a really good ventilation system so I have a place to go in the winter to smoke. It could have something to do with the fact that when we met I told her I smoke cigars and don't plan on changing that. If that's a problem, we might as well not try to go any further. As long as I don't smoke in the house, she has no problem with my cigar smoking.

My kids on the other hand, they won't stop nagging me to quit smoking cigars. :closedmou:closedmou:closedmou:closedmou:closedmou

 

[Daviso27]

My wife accepts it....SHe was the one who bought me my 500+count humi...I just cant do it in the house..

 

[RigilKent]

i have been dating my girl for over 4 years. i started smoking cigars while we were dating. at first i kinda hid the fact thinking that she wouldnt like it but eventually i let her know that i enjoy cigars and that i plan to continue. she was totally fine with it in fact she likes flavored ones and likes the smell of them. I always justify my purchases by saying that the cant lose value till you smoke them and they get better with age. I say its like wine. she understands and doesnt mind so i guess im lucky.

You have to let her know that you wont stop smoking so just put up and ultimatum.

 

[Electric Sheep]

If she hates smoking there is really no real answer. Live with it or decide your priorities.

Ditto.

 

[Swampfox21]

basically she is trying to turn you into her idea of perfect. She is simply taking away small chips. If you give up cigars, shell move on to something else. Just say this is what i do, if you dont like it fine. I will try to do it away from you but im not gonna quit..... put your foot down... they arent used to it and will be shock, so she wont have anything to say to you

 

[Donk]

Donk this is the third thread with complaints. You r beginning to nag this site.:angryteet
I am going to report u to the politbureau of communication comrade Donk:bickering

Bro you have issues, I was asking advise not nagging. Sorry if you don't like it.

 

[Donk]

I like your guys stories. Thanks for sharing. It's one of those things that will get figured out over time. I don't smoke in the house and I don't leave her at home to go smoke at the shop. I do it when she is out with friends or at work. It isn't something that is going to break up our relationship it is just something that has to be worked through like many other things. You guys are as always very helpful.