Bahaha!
the OE15 Dog Rocket Challenge!!!
- Thread starter multi-useless
- Start date
c.ortiz108
The fly in the ointment.
Well, I was going to smoke that Fighting Cock that’s been bouncing around my tupperdor for about a year, but with all that stuff about prison rape I just couldn’t bring myself to put the thing in my mouth. I also wasn’t sure if it was okay to use a regular cutter, or if I had to circumcise it. I imagine it would be pretty hard to find a rabbi on Memorial Day. So instead I reach for the….
Consuegra
Country: Honduras
Size: robusto
Consuegras are General Cigar seconds. Stuff like Punch, Hoyo de Monterrey, Excalibur, El Rey del Mundo. Who knows which one this is – there are conversion charts out there on the interwebs, where you can figure out the exact dimensions of your Consuegra and match it up to the regular production line sizes to determine if you maybe have a Punch, HdM or one of about 5 other cigars because they make quite a few in the same size - but who can honestly be bothered to make that kind of effort? Not me.
Prelight question: with firsts like those, who needs seconds? I’m not a snob and I’ve enjoyed some General and Altadis stuff, but it’s not like any of them are wonderful, fine cigars. Two of the worst cigars I had last year were made by them. I’m always happy to try one out (and am still gradually working my way through two of those newbie humidor samplers) but I’d never pay MSRP for one. Hell, I’d never bid $2 for one on C-Bid. Does anyone really desire them so badly that they’d seek out seconds? This one was in a batch of house brands and other cheapos I got for the price of shipping from a guy on another forum.
He must have had it for a long, long time. Check out this yellow cellophane:
Prelight is mild, and just kind of normal.
Lighting up with my trusty Bic, I get a big hit of cedar, which I like. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all! I guess a 2nd which retails for $2 is a dog rocket by definition, but so far this doesn't taste like one. I'm guessing the age has something to do with it. Whatever it used to be has mellowed into a decent, inoffensive smoke. It’s light and creamy, with a medium-light body. I feel my defenses lowering and shoulders relaxing a little.
But wait – my Spidey sense is starting to tingle. There’s something not right here… something sour I'm not quite sure about. Could it be the infamous, disturbing yet piquant flavor of prison rape coming through? Or perhaps yak’s ass? How does one tell the difference? Whatever, it's seriously up-front and I’m really not digging it, brothers. My opinion of this cigar is rapidly declining.
I had a Gurkha Symphony once that tasted like soup, and I actually liked it. “Savory” seems to be a legitimate cigar flavor. Reviewers often mention things like bread and salt. But this is more like sour milk. No, I’ve got it - yogurt, that's it! The unflavored kind, unfortunately. Some nice cherry or blueberry would be pretty welcome right now.
The generic mild tobacco flavor and cedar are still there, but combined with the yogurt it’s actually a little revolting. More than a little. And that’s not all. A lot of General Cigars have a cigarette-like taste on the retrohale to me, and this is no exception. Not as bad as the dreaded Cohiba Red Dot, but it’s definitely there. It gives a cheap and nasty edge to an otherwise innocent, unassuming cigar - like finding out that the cute, bubbly librarian is a syphilitic crack-whore. Here's proof that I persevered in the face of such depravity:
Perfect char line, though it’s burning a little fast. In fact, I don't think I've ever had a robusto go this fast. Something for which I’m grateful. More than halfway there already, and it's still all cedar, yogurt, and Marlborough Lite. At least it's consistent. Weirdly I'm getting a little tongue bite, like when you smoke a pipe too fast. But God knows I'm not smoking this thing fast.
I started out feeling guilty for smoking such a pleasant stick and passing it off as a dog rocket. But now I'm feeling angry and resentful. Smoking this cigar is like passing through the seven stages of death psychologists talk about - denial, anger, depression, acceptance etc. I feel duped. I was open-minded, ready to accept it for what it is without prejudice… and it betrayed me with cheap cigarettes stubbed out in unflavored sour yogurt. Maybe the even burn was due to being treated with saltpeter, like they do with cigarettes. Maybe the filler was dyed reconstituted tobacco treated with freon and ammonia, and fermented in yogurt. At this point I’d believe anything, and I trust no one. The cellophane that once impressed me with it's "age that money can't buy" now looks like a discarded used condom that's been lying out in the sun for two years.
I know stubbing out a cigar is bad etiquette, but I feel I need to get revenge on this stick and teach it a lesson it will never forget. So without further ado…..
DIE, DIE, DIE.....!!!
Consuegra
Country: Honduras
Size: robusto
Consuegras are General Cigar seconds. Stuff like Punch, Hoyo de Monterrey, Excalibur, El Rey del Mundo. Who knows which one this is – there are conversion charts out there on the interwebs, where you can figure out the exact dimensions of your Consuegra and match it up to the regular production line sizes to determine if you maybe have a Punch, HdM or one of about 5 other cigars because they make quite a few in the same size - but who can honestly be bothered to make that kind of effort? Not me.
Prelight question: with firsts like those, who needs seconds? I’m not a snob and I’ve enjoyed some General and Altadis stuff, but it’s not like any of them are wonderful, fine cigars. Two of the worst cigars I had last year were made by them. I’m always happy to try one out (and am still gradually working my way through two of those newbie humidor samplers) but I’d never pay MSRP for one. Hell, I’d never bid $2 for one on C-Bid. Does anyone really desire them so badly that they’d seek out seconds? This one was in a batch of house brands and other cheapos I got for the price of shipping from a guy on another forum.
He must have had it for a long, long time. Check out this yellow cellophane:
Prelight is mild, and just kind of normal.
Lighting up with my trusty Bic, I get a big hit of cedar, which I like. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all! I guess a 2nd which retails for $2 is a dog rocket by definition, but so far this doesn't taste like one. I'm guessing the age has something to do with it. Whatever it used to be has mellowed into a decent, inoffensive smoke. It’s light and creamy, with a medium-light body. I feel my defenses lowering and shoulders relaxing a little.
But wait – my Spidey sense is starting to tingle. There’s something not right here… something sour I'm not quite sure about. Could it be the infamous, disturbing yet piquant flavor of prison rape coming through? Or perhaps yak’s ass? How does one tell the difference? Whatever, it's seriously up-front and I’m really not digging it, brothers. My opinion of this cigar is rapidly declining.
I had a Gurkha Symphony once that tasted like soup, and I actually liked it. “Savory” seems to be a legitimate cigar flavor. Reviewers often mention things like bread and salt. But this is more like sour milk. No, I’ve got it - yogurt, that's it! The unflavored kind, unfortunately. Some nice cherry or blueberry would be pretty welcome right now.
The generic mild tobacco flavor and cedar are still there, but combined with the yogurt it’s actually a little revolting. More than a little. And that’s not all. A lot of General Cigars have a cigarette-like taste on the retrohale to me, and this is no exception. Not as bad as the dreaded Cohiba Red Dot, but it’s definitely there. It gives a cheap and nasty edge to an otherwise innocent, unassuming cigar - like finding out that the cute, bubbly librarian is a syphilitic crack-whore. Here's proof that I persevered in the face of such depravity:
Perfect char line, though it’s burning a little fast. In fact, I don't think I've ever had a robusto go this fast. Something for which I’m grateful. More than halfway there already, and it's still all cedar, yogurt, and Marlborough Lite. At least it's consistent. Weirdly I'm getting a little tongue bite, like when you smoke a pipe too fast. But God knows I'm not smoking this thing fast.
I started out feeling guilty for smoking such a pleasant stick and passing it off as a dog rocket. But now I'm feeling angry and resentful. Smoking this cigar is like passing through the seven stages of death psychologists talk about - denial, anger, depression, acceptance etc. I feel duped. I was open-minded, ready to accept it for what it is without prejudice… and it betrayed me with cheap cigarettes stubbed out in unflavored sour yogurt. Maybe the even burn was due to being treated with saltpeter, like they do with cigarettes. Maybe the filler was dyed reconstituted tobacco treated with freon and ammonia, and fermented in yogurt. At this point I’d believe anything, and I trust no one. The cellophane that once impressed me with it's "age that money can't buy" now looks like a discarded used condom that's been lying out in the sun for two years.
I know stubbing out a cigar is bad etiquette, but I feel I need to get revenge on this stick and teach it a lesson it will never forget. So without further ado…..
DIE, DIE, DIE.....!!!
That's the first thing I thought when I saw that cellophane. It looked like Trojan Man after a long night at the office.
You do not want to go to yak prison.
Hmm, I'm gonna say something. Everyone is assuming I made 'Prison Rape' the flavor. If you read a little closer you'll realize I actually compared it to a particular white substance that may or may not be involved in a Prison rape.
I'm not sure that makes it any better, but I just had to clarify at this point.
SouthernerInSask
© MCMLXI
c.ortiz108
The fly in the ointment.
Prison jism? Or is that just going too far?
I can't believe you made that [kinda] rhyme. I think we know what's goin' on the wheel. LOL
c.ortiz108
The fly in the ointment.
Yeah, sorry guys -it was late. I know those not-quite-rhymes can be offensive to some people.
Churchill Downs: Robusto
I presume I got this from the dreaded CI Dominican Grab Bag. A Robusto with a light tan wrapper. The label reads only Churchhill Downs and is adorned with what I can only assume are two horse sperm.
I can fine no data on this cigar, other than on Nano's, which reads: "Churchill Downs is the racetrack that holds the Kentucky Derby. I can't seem to find any information on the cigar. This was an unflavorful cigar that tasted like something burning and that was it. The construction was awful as well. This is my first cigar that I've ever not finished. I'm sure it's probably a bootleg attempting to make a buck on the famous name. (flavors: Wood, ash, coal) "
And I had a whole bit where the flavors were racing around the track. Alas, that bit didn't survive the first turn. You can only talk about a horse named That Grass Again, so many times before it gets tired. That being said, here's the rocket review.
Construction is fair. After an easy cut, we have the pre-light draw. "You did it again. Why do you keep doing that?!" I told my inner monolog once more that this is for the children. And some people believe that the children are our future. And some of those people can't seem to bathe without dying. From the grumbling, I sensed my inner monolog was judging me again. The pre-light draw, he said in the third person to get this review back on track, had the sweet and sharp taste of freshly cut Kentucky Blue Grass. It was heavy.
Once lit, you're hit with that grass again, right away. But it's more like licking the fresh cut grass from the bottom of an industrial lawn mower in desperate need of the love only a pressure washer can give. It is not pleasant.
The burn is almost even, and it stays lit all the way down. And strangely enough, it gets better.
Halfway down, the strong grass mellows a little and the mower aspect fades away altogether. A little further down, all of the sharp grass is gone and a slight creamy note appears to compliment the now mild sweet grass.It took a while to get here, but I would almost call the taste...interesting.
Not a great smoke, not really a good smoke, since you have to burn through a month of yard clippings to get to anything close to palatable. But if I was being tortured by a Sherpa in a yak prison, there would be worse things I could be forced to smoke.
I presume I got this from the dreaded CI Dominican Grab Bag. A Robusto with a light tan wrapper. The label reads only Churchhill Downs and is adorned with what I can only assume are two horse sperm.
I can fine no data on this cigar, other than on Nano's, which reads: "Churchill Downs is the racetrack that holds the Kentucky Derby. I can't seem to find any information on the cigar. This was an unflavorful cigar that tasted like something burning and that was it. The construction was awful as well. This is my first cigar that I've ever not finished. I'm sure it's probably a bootleg attempting to make a buck on the famous name. (flavors: Wood, ash, coal) "
And I had a whole bit where the flavors were racing around the track. Alas, that bit didn't survive the first turn. You can only talk about a horse named That Grass Again, so many times before it gets tired. That being said, here's the rocket review.
Construction is fair. After an easy cut, we have the pre-light draw. "You did it again. Why do you keep doing that?!" I told my inner monolog once more that this is for the children. And some people believe that the children are our future. And some of those people can't seem to bathe without dying. From the grumbling, I sensed my inner monolog was judging me again. The pre-light draw, he said in the third person to get this review back on track, had the sweet and sharp taste of freshly cut Kentucky Blue Grass. It was heavy.
Once lit, you're hit with that grass again, right away. But it's more like licking the fresh cut grass from the bottom of an industrial lawn mower in desperate need of the love only a pressure washer can give. It is not pleasant.
The burn is almost even, and it stays lit all the way down. And strangely enough, it gets better.
Halfway down, the strong grass mellows a little and the mower aspect fades away altogether. A little further down, all of the sharp grass is gone and a slight creamy note appears to compliment the now mild sweet grass.It took a while to get here, but I would almost call the taste...interesting.
Not a great smoke, not really a good smoke, since you have to burn through a month of yard clippings to get to anything close to palatable. But if I was being tortured by a Sherpa in a yak prison, there would be worse things I could be forced to smoke.
I stood against the Gurkha Beauty today, and was victorious!
SouthernerInSask
© MCMLXI
LOL!
Another great review! One of these rockets is eventually going to give you a nice cold draw reward
.
luckysaturn13
Smoke it if ya got it!
:/ I just gave one of thoes to a co worker Lol
